


Ways To Ruin A Wedding

by WalkingDredd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus has feelings for his best friend, Albus is in the closet, Body Image, Community: HPFT, Drinking, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Drama, Harry is the king of sass, Hayley loves drama, James wants his brothers fake girlfriend, M/M, Next Generation, Rose is a bitch, Scorpius and Rose have a wedding weekend, who is getting married, will add more tags as i go on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 20:09:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7452352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingDredd/pseuds/WalkingDredd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hayley was invited to the wedding of the year -albeit under the guise of Albus' fake girlfriend - she didn't think it would be this entertaining.</p><p>But, with a psychotic bridezilla on the loose, the best man trying to steal the heart of the groom, a 'father-in-law' she last met under different circumstances, and a 'brother-in-law' who makes her heart skip a beat, it was certainly going to be chaotic.</p><p>What's a wedding without a little family drama?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fake Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> New story time!!!! Writing this for JulNo and hope that you enjoy it! :D

“Hayley, can I have a triple measure of my usual, please?”

I walked over to the dark-haired man who had become a sort of regular over the last few months. He had never asked for a triple measure, so of course I was curious. With my eyebrows raised, I reached for a bottle of the finest rum my uncle had in this pub, and walked over to Albus Potter. Albus was slouched on the stool with his head in his hands as I brought the bottle over. I let my eyes rake over his frame and tried to get a gauge of his mood.

“Triple? Do I dare ask why?” I asked, reaching for a large glass and pouring – a very generous – amount into the glass. I was purely guessing I had poured the right amount, I didn’t have time to actually measure the alcohol, but Albus didn’t seem to care as he reached for it before I could offer to put a mixer into it. He raised the glass up to his lips, downing half of it before coughing loudly and gagging at the taste.

I watched him in amusement.

“Oh god, why do other people make this look so fucking easy?” Albus spluttered in complaint as he wiped his mouth. I could see that his eyes were watering and took pity on the man in front of me, reaching for a carton of pineapple juice, and pouring it into the glass as well. I added a curly straw because I was nice, and I knew Albus would love it.

“Because they’re all alcoholics and have a taste for the stuff,” I replied, wiping the bar with my hand before leaning my elbows on it and watching Albus. He was reaching for the glass again, downing it quickly, and still wincing afterwards. Maybe I had poured too much in.

“It tastes like I’m going to die.”

“Then it’s working. What’s the problem that triple shots seemed to be the only answer?”

Albus just shook his head sadly, wiping the edges of his mouth with his fingers. I heaved a sigh, still leaning on the bar and staring at him as I waited for him to answer. It had been a slow day at the practically empty pub – and the only one on shift - I had nothing else to do with my time apart from wait for him to stop being difficult.

I wasn’t sure how much I could help, as I didn’t really know Albus aside from his regular appearances here, either with friends or on his own. He quickly became one of my regulars over the weeks, since a mutual friend named Clint Barker had introduced us to each other.

Our first meeting would forever be stuck in my mind, if only for the peculiar way in which he had introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Albus Potter, and I’m gay,” Albus had told me straight away, slurring slightly as he thrust a hand out for me to shake. I had raised an eyebrow at him, before taking it and grasping it firmly.

“Hello, I’m Hayley Tretton and I’m fat.”

Albus had frowned at me, a questioning look puckering at his brow as he opened his mouth to – I assumed – ask why I had mentioned that.

“Sorry, I thought we were stating obvious facts about ourselves,” I replied to him.

He laughed loudly at that and it had broken the ice between us, he admitted later that night that I was the first person he had properly come out to, and he just got excited about it.

I didn’t really put much thought into if I would ever see him again, but he ended up becoming a semi-regular patron here, one that I didn’t mind serving. He was never rude, a hilarious drunk, and a great tipper. It was why I actually cared when he seemed upset. Like right now.

“Just tell me, and maybe I could help you out with it,” I suggested, “instead of moping around here for a while, getting drunk off Ebenezer’s Golden Rum, and becoming so sloshed that you tell me anyway. We can avoid the middleman all together and then you can go back to drinking your pain away.”

Albus deliberated for a while, playing with the empty glass in front of him and I wanted to shake him for being dramatic.

“My cousin is getting married to my best friend next weekend.”

“What a whore.”

Albus snorted, green eyes flicking up to meet mine, before shaking his head slowly.

“You don’t even know her. But, it’s a correct assumption.”

“Was that not the end of the story?” I asked, watching as the only other customer left the building. I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was half an hour until closing, and made the executive decision to close the pub. I pulled my wand from my pocket, waving it in the direction of the door so that it would lock itself, and the sign in the window would turn to state that we were closed.

“Far from the end of the story,” Albus told me, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. “I have been in love with my best friend since I was sixteen, and I thought that maybe he felt the same way, but neither of us made any kind of move. He began dating my cousin Rose and it wasn’t long before they were engaged and planning their wedding.”

Well, that situation seems fucked up, no wonder Albus is miserable.

“Huh, that seems like quite a pickle.”

Albus snorted again.

“That’s not the kicker. I’m best man at the wedding.”

Now, that was worse than I imagined.

“You’re the best man at the wedding of the man you’re in love with?” This was all kinds of fucked up, it was like one of those problems you read about in the ‘Dear Trelawney’ pages of the Prophet. You don’t believe that any of the nonsense written is real, but you’re entertained that someone’s life could be that pathetic. Albus’ life would probably win the five Galleon prize that the paper offered.

Albus nodded, noticing that I was pulling a face at his words. “Don’t look at me like that. My cousin Rose is a horrible and evil person, and doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Scorpius.”

“I’m not judging if you say she’s a horrible person I believe you.” I held my hands up in defence, I felt sorry for him, but I was judging him a tiny bit. Was his cousin that bad a person?

He downed his drink, pushing the glass away from him and running a hand over his pale face. “Not only do I have to watch the love of my life possibly marry the worst person in the world, I also have to deal with my family – who still don’t know I’m gay – realise that I don’t have the girlfriend that I had been telling them about for months.”

This story was just getting better! It was like a train wreck waiting to happen. It was turning into one of those clichéd novels that I read continuously. They were my guilty pleasure, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope with having a real life one just within my grasp that I couldn’t be a part of! I needed to go to this wedding.

“Do you actually have a girlfriend?” I asked, hoping that I didn’t sound too hopeful. He would think I was weird.

“No, I made her up because they wouldn’t get off my case about being single. I didn’t want them to keep setting me up with all of these women.” The hope was building in my chest, but how could I go about telling him that I should be this fake girlfriend?

“You could always tell them that you’re gay. They might stop,” I suggested, moving away from where I stood to pick up a cloth and attempt to clean the side. I couldn’t just stay in here all night without doing something, my uncle wouldn’t be happy when he opened up in the morning.

“Or, they could just start setting me up with men instead. I don’t want that. I don’t want to even come out to them yet, I’m not ready at all.” It was a statement that I found weird considering how quickly he came out to me, who was a stranger at the time. However, confession to a stranger was probably a lot easier than telling a family member. It was bizarre to think he was hiding it when I’ve only ever seen him be open about it.

“Does anyone know that you’re gay?” I asked him, wondering how he had been able to keep the information from his family. It made me sad that there was possibly no one that he was close to that knew.

“Just my brother James, he’s known for a while.”

“He must be a good brother if he hasn’t spilled the beans on you.”

“He is he’s the best. He got me through the major panic attack I had when I realised that I was in love my best friend.”

I placed my cloth down on the side, unsure what to say in reply to that, but thankful that his brother seemed like a decent person.

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” Albus put his head in his hands again as I refilled his drink, grabbing for a glass to pour one for myself before I waved my wand to clean around us. “They’re going to realise when I don’t turn up with anyone.”

“You could always tell them that you’ve broken up with her.” It seemed like an easy thing to do, it would save a lot of hassle. Although, I couldn’t help but plead in my head that he would ask me. I wonder if I could give him a look to show that I was interested. Was there even a look for that? Was it a smoulder? Should I pout?  
Wait, Albus was talking again. I tried to keep my face neutral even though I wanted to shake him and demand he take me to be his girlfriend.

“- Then they would try setting me up at the wedding, and my cousin Roses’ friends are horrible people – just like her. Rose will also take this as me trying to ‘upstage’ her wedding if I announce that I’ve broken up with this woman that no one has ever met.“

“I’ll do it,” I offered quickly before I could stop myself. I jumped up onto the bar to sit down; he looked up at me so quickly I was worried that he had cricked his neck. “I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” he replied quickly, shaking his head as he looked at me, but I could see the pleading in his eyes. I was fucking in there! I was going to make sure I would get front row seats to this.

“You didn’t ask me, I offered,” I told him, shifting where I sat on the bar, moving my feet up so that they weren’t in the way of the mop that was cleaning the floor behind the bar.

“Would you really do that for me? You don’t even know me.”

Would it be rude if I broke out into a wide grin right now?

“What is there to know? You’re Albus Potter, you drink in the pub I work at, and you need my help.”

Albus looked up at me, his eyes wide with sadness and an adorable puppy dog look on his face that I knew would end up being the downfall of his future boyfriend. If I hadn’t already agreed to do this, I would have given in on that look alone.

“It’s for the entire weekend; it’s not just one night, Hayley.”

Score! I was getting a weekend away. I was coming out of this deal a winner.

“I’ve already agreed, Albus, you don’t need to try and entice me anymore. You’ve made the sale!”

“You make it sound like I’ve brought you.”

I went silent for a while, realising that this does make it seem like he’s hired me and wondering if this makes me sound like a prostitute.

“It’s not going to be a fun weekend, it’s all going to go to shit, and I’m warning you now. I can give you money for doing this; you’re going to miss work.”

“Honey,” I said placing my hand on his arm and squeezing it in reassurance. “This wedding is going to be the biggest train wreck I’ve ever seen. As long as you get me front row tickets, I will do it for a slice of wedding cake.”

Albus smirked. “I can definitely get you a slice of cake.”


	2. Second Base

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Hayley are to blame for this chapter. They can't be tamed, as much as I've tried! :D Hope you enjoy! This hasn't gone through a beta so all mistakes are mine. :P

“So, tell me again why this wedding is a weekend,” I asked Albus, watching him from my slouching position on the sofa as he paced around the front room of my tiny flat. It had been a few days since my offering to be his fake girlfriend, and we had agreed to meet up tonight to eat pizza, drink wine, and try to work out how we were going to fake this entire relationship.

“It’s not even just the weekend, Hayley,” Albus grumbled, stumbling a little but righting himself as he turned around mid-pace to stare at me. I giggled over my half-full wine glass; he smirked a little before carrying on with his rant. “It’s a four day thing. Starting on Friday and going on until Monday night.”

“That’s not a weekend!”

“It’s a long weekend.” Who has a four-day wedding? “The reason my annoying cousin has done this is because she’s a selfish, attention-seeking bitch, who needs to have everything about her.”

I sipped at my drink, wondering how much of a jerk this Rose was and who had family that would be available for four days. Do they not have jobs to worry about?

Albus began pacing again, being pretty worked up as he muttered more expletives about his cousin. I knew that this couldn’t just be about the wedding, there had to be an underlying problem, some big dark family secret that broke them. I wanted to ask... so I did.

“Do you hate your cousin just because she’s marrying Scorpius, or because you have issues with her stemming from childhood?”

Albus stopped to look at me, fingers tracing over the edge of my bookshelf as he gave a weird snort.

“Did you take psychology at school by any chance?” he retaliated to avoid answering.

“I once did a term at my local college. Drop out after a few weeks.” I gave a nonchalant shrug; it wasn’t that big a deal. I was better than the teacher, who was out to get me because I told her that short-term memory was boring and we should get onto the good stuff. I was more kicked out of the course than leaving on my own accord... but Albus didn’t need to know that.

“Figures.”

I threw a cushion at him, and he flailed before trying to dodge out of its way, it hit my bookshelf and knocked an ornament to the floor. Albus looked sheepish as it broke, but I waved off his concern quickly.

“If it was a book that would be the time to worry, and don’t mock my four-week psychology learning. I could have been a psychologist if it wasn’t so boring.”

“Of course,” Albus stated slowly, bending down to pick up the ornament and placing the pieces on the side.

I shifted on the sofa, using my free hand to pull one of the cushions onto my lap so that I could hug up to it.

“So, why is your cousin an attention-seeking whore?”

“I never said whore.”

“You’re not denying that she is one.”

Albus chuckled; his green eyes alight with glee at my words. I’m guessing it must have been something before Scorpius that made him hate Rose. Maybe I could stage a family intervention during the wedding.

“This is great, you don’t even know her, and you’re already calling her a whore. James will be so proud.”

“James sounds like the kind of person I would love being around.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him, my intention clear, even if I was joking... a little. I literally only knew this guy’s name and I wanted him already. I totally ship us together.

Albus frowned a little, turning to point at me in warning. “Not until after the wedding is over.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” I argued, throwing my hands up in the air in defence, splashing some of the wine onto the couch. I wasn’t too bothered it was white wine. I dabbed at the wet patch with another cushion and put my glass down onto the coffee table. “You’re making it sound like I was planning to sleep with him at the wedding.”

“Well, if you get the urge, can you at least wait until after the wedding? If you’re going to be my fake girlfriend, I don’t want people to think that you’re cheating on me with my own brother.”

“Oh come on, I have standards, I’m not just going to drop my knickers for the first guy who talks to me at the wedding. We’re not _all_  your cousin.”

Albus laughed loudly, coming over to the couch and sitting down on the cushion that was hiding the wet patch. He grabbed for the wine bottle off the table and drank from it, before passing it to me to take.

“Nice one,” he chuckled, head leant back on the sofa behind him as I turned my head to look at him. He was quite handsome to look at, with a nicely defined jaw and high cheekbones, pouty lips that looked very squashable...

“What are you doing?” Albus asked as I moved so that my hands could cup his chin, fingers pushing his lips together so that they were forced into a pout.

“Squishing your lips together.” Surely, it was obvious what was happening here. He didn’t push me off, but he was frowning at me in confusion.

“Why?” his voice sounded funny like this, and I couldn’t stop the goofy grin that crossed my face. I still didn’t release him from my grip though.

“Because it’s funny. Alby.”

Albus brought his hands up to mine to pull me away. “Do you think that we could be serious for a moment?”

“Probably not.”

It was true. I probably couldn’t when there was wine involved and Albus’ squishy face was right there.

“Will you be able to remember everything before the weekend?” Albus asked me, and I scoffed. Of course, I could remember it all; there was barely anything to know. We had met at the pub, and started dating.

“I’ll have you know that I was once cast as the lead in my family’s Christmas play. I can learn a few lines easy peasy.”

Albus seemed impressed by my admission. “What play was it?”

“It was a one-woman show about my plight of not getting good presents. Sadly, only my cat turned up to watch, and he left halfway through. My parents were too busy getting dinner ready to bother with seeing it.”

“Loser.” Albus snorted as he drank from the bottle again, finishing it and dropping it beside him on the sofa. I shifted so that my back was against the arm and my feet were resting on his legs. He looked down at them for a beat, before resting his arms on them.

“This is weird,” Albus stated, indicating the way that my legs were draped over him. “I’m not used to a woman being this close to me.”

“Well, get used to it Albus, I’m an affectionate person. It will help us out in front of your parents.”

“So, have I got to prepare myself for you attacking me with random acts of affection?”

Well, _that_  didn’t make me sound strange at all.

“You sound like I’m going to spend the weekend hiding behind bushes ready to pounce.”

“Won’t you be?”

“Maybe - you said James was single, right?” I asked, grinning at Albus. It was funny how uptight he got about his brother; it was something that I was going to find funny joking about this entire weekend.

Albus groaned before grabbing for the cushion he was sitting on to hit me with, I shrieked as I tried to defend myself from the onslaught of his attack.

“Please keep it in your pants until after the weekend,” Albus pleaded, and I almost laughed in his face. I have never made a promise like that in my life.

“I’m joking. I won’t get with your brother.” I held my hands up in defence, and Albus stopped trying to hit me, throwing the cushion down onto the floor instead. I pushed my hair out of my face, feeling my stomach aching a little from our laughter.

“Although, it would be a great way to ruin the wedding,” Albus stated almost knowingly.

“How is the possibility of me sleeping with your brother going to ruin the wedding? If anything, you should be sleeping with Scorpius, that will _definitely_ ruin the wedding.”

A dirty smirk graced Albus’ features, his eyes going dark with what I could only assume was lust. It was my turn to hit him with a cushion.

“Stop picturing it, and go and get it!”

Albus groaned. “But, I can’t! He’s marrying my cousin.”

“We’ve got four days to get you laid,” I waved my hand at him in dismissal. “That’s more than enough time for me to distract your cousin so that you can have your wicked way with the groom.”

“If only love was so easy.”

“Speaking of love, how serious is this relationship?"

It took Albus a minute to answer me. I wondered if he got confused about whether I was talking about him and Scorpius, or us.

"What do you mean?"

"Are we in love?"

Albus scoffed causing me to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Bit early for that I think."

"How would I know? I don't even know how long we've been dating for, or what my name is."

"How much have you drunk that you can't remember what your name is?" Albus asked with a frown at me, hand rising so that he could put the back of it on my forehead. His fingers nearly poked me in the eye before I could bat him away.

"I meant, what have you told your family my name is? And I clearly haven't drunk enough if I'm still coherent."

Albus shifted on the sofa, hand moving back down to the bottle and lifting it to his mouth, before remembering that it was empty. He leant over the side of the sofa, producing a new bottle when he sat up. When did he stash that there?

"It doesn't matter what your name is." He tried telling me.

"I think it does, if they start calling me by some other name I want to know so that I can at least respond to it and they don't think I'm being rude."

"I told them that my girlfriend's name is Hayley."

"You named your girlfriend after me?"

Albus nodded slowly, eyes avoiding me as a grin pulled at the corners of my mouth.

"Oh, that's so sweet!" I cheered, grabbing for Albus' arms so that he couldn't get up from the sofa and pulling him into a hug. He tried to resist me but it was no use, my arms may be big, but they were powerful. "I feel so loved!"

"It was a happy coincidence that you agreed to this really," Albus' voice was slightly muffled by my bosom, but I paid no heed. “As for how long we’ve been dating, I’m not sure. I’m a guy, I’m not meant to be remembering this kind of thing.”

I rolled my eyes as I released Albus, who pushed his hands to my chest as he moved away.

"Well I know one thing; we've just got to second base," I stated, winking at Albus who was shaking his head, using his wand to remove the cork from the wine. It probably wasn’t the safest thing in the world to do, but if he wanted to lose fingers that's his choice. As long as he didn’t lose any of the wine, we wouldn’t be fine.

“The furthest I’ve ever gone with a woman,” he said matter-of-factly, putting his wand on the table before leaning back on the sofa and drinking from the bottle.

Was I really getting the honour of being his first?

“Really? What do you think about it?”

He swallowed his mouthful, lips still on the bottle that was slightly tilted down as he answered me. “As lovely as it was, it’s done absolutely nothing for me.”

“Maybe you need another feel?” I sat up straight, thrusting my chest out and pointing down at my greatest feature. Well, I had another one, but Albus wouldn’t find out about that.

Albus chugged from the bottle but turned his gaze to look at me, eyes falling onto my cleavage. He handed me the bottle as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and turned to face me, clapping his hands together and rubbing them together. I couldn’t help but stare at him, wondering what he had planned, and if I should be worried.

“You’re grabbing boobs, not warming your hands by the fire.”

He seemed so lost and scared, bless him.

“I’m preparing myself.”

He seemed to be really psyching himself up for this. They were only boobs.

“You didn’t need to prepare last time. You just went for it.”

“I accidentally touched them, it wasn’t intentional. So, how does this work?” he waved his hands at them and I almost choked mid-drink, spluttering slightly and putting the bottle down onto the floor beside the sofa so that it was safe. I was going to end up spilling it, and I think that Albus was going to need it to get through this.

“Work? They’re boobs, not a puzzle.”

“I’m nervous.”

“Just grab them, don’t even think about it.”

Albus nodded, eyes still on them as though they were about to jump out at him and attack.

“Did you want me to do it for you?” I asked, reaching for his hands. Albus shook his head quickly, before letting out a low breath and just going for it.

“Huh,” Albus said, hands squeezing me, it felt like he was weighing them in his hands. I suppose I should get what I can out of this moment, it had been quite some time since someone last touched them. Although, I think it was another gay man. “These are quite squishy.”

“I’m glad that you’re having such a good time.”

“I can see why people like them.”

“They’re good as pillows too,” I suggested, and his eyebrows rose at my comments, hands still delicately touching me. It was strange how tender he was being at times; other guys that I’ve known have just tugged on them.

“I’ll have to test that another time. We’ll just try this; we don’t want to get too excited.”

“Speak for yourself.” I winked at him, leaning back on the sofa and enjoying this moment. It was the most action I’ve had for a while. I could file it away for tonight when Albus went home; keep it in my own personal wank bank.

“I could probably get used to this.”

“I’ll have you know, that I’m not going to have you just grabbing my boobs in front of your family. We’re going to have to kiss.”

“What? Why?” Albus demanded, eyes widening slightly at the very idea of it as he dropped his hands and backed up. Which, rude! I’m his fake girlfriend, if anyone is getting a smooch right on the smacker it’s me! I might as well get something out of this relationship apart from wedding cake.

“To make it seem like we’re an actual couple and not just friends.”

“I don’t know what’s more terrifying, kissing you, or getting to second base.”

“I’ll try not to be offended by that comment. We have enough time to practice before the weekend. We can start now.” I offered, picking up the bottle of wine and handing it to Albus, who looked like he needed it. He chugged a few mouthfuls and I had to laugh.

Seriously, the guy can touch boobs, but kissing is a problem? How were we going to make this relationship believable to his family?

“We’re going to be screwed aren’t we?” Albus asked me.

I swallowed my mouthful of wine, my head fuzzy as I stared at Albus, admiring the dark curls of his hair as he looked back at me.

“Totally. But, it’s going to be fun.”


	3. Meeting The In Laws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you two already know each other?” Albus asked. He looked worried, and he had every right to.
> 
> “Your father may have arrested me a few weeks ago.”

The hotel that the wedding was taking place in was huge, and so elegant looking that I already felt out of place. It was pretty much a fucking castle! There was no way that I would have been able to afford walking passed it, let alone get a room here. I hoped that Albus had a family member that worked here, or his dad/mum/uncle/cousin owned it and that was how the wedding was happening for an entire weekend. Although, maybe it was so expensive that people thought ‘fuck it’ and wanted to get their money’s worth so stayed until they were kicked out. The place had people that took your bags to your room for you! That’s how you knew it was fancy.

 

I couldn’t wait to ransack the freebies. I could give them to friends for birthdays and Christmases for years to come! 

 

“There’s my parents,” Albus said, grabbing for my hand and pulling me in the direction of a large crowd of people. I let him pull me, looking over at the few people that we were heading towards and realising that I knew one very well.  

 

“Oh shit, oh fuck,” I hissed, trying to pull my hand from Albus’ grasp as we neared Auror Potter. Fuck! Why didn’t I realise who Albus’ dad was?

 

“Hayley? What’s wrong?”

 

“Our entire plan is going to go to shit in about ten seconds,” I hissed at him, trying to make myself seem smaller so that I didn’t draw attention to us. “Why didn’t you tell me that your dad was Harry Potter?”

 

Albus looked at me as though I was stupid. Which I was. I was incredibly stupid!

 

“ _ Everyone  _ knows that he’s my dad!  _ Literally _  everyone. How did you not know? Didn’t you realise that we had the same last name at least?”

 

“Apparently I’ve been living under a rock!” I threw my hands up in the air, before dropping them to smooth out my dress. Taking a deep breath I tried to calm myself down. I was going to have to get my confidence back in place, and fucking own this situation. If there was anything I was good at - not counting the skills that made me popular with the guys - it was faking it. So, with a bright grin plastered on my face, I let a bewildered Albus lead me over to his parents, not realising that Harry Potter may very well ruin everything.  

 

“Hayley, how is my dad about to ruin this?” Albus asked, his face paling. I shook my head quickly, unsure how to begin telling him. “What have you done?”

 

I shook my head at him.

 

“Albus? Are you coming over?”

 

Albus frowned at me, and I shoved him in the direction of his parents. With another deep breath I followed Albus over, plastering a friendly - and innocent - grin on my face. 

 

“Mum, Dad, this is my girlfriend Hayley. Hayley, these are my parents Ginny and Harry,” Albus had taken my hand as he spoke. 

 

The speed in which Harry’s smile fell from his face had to be some kind of record. I kept the grin on my face, reaching for Ginny’s outstretched hand that she seemed to offer in shock. Had Harry told her about me? Was she shocked that Albus really did have a girlfriend? Should I be worried? 

 

“Hayley Tretton, it seems you  _ do _  know what clothes are.”

 

Yep. I should totally be worried. Ginny’s eyebrows rose at her husband's comment and I was waiting to be bitch slapped right here and now.

 

“Do you two already know each other?” Albus asked. He looked worried, and he had every right to. 

 

“Your father may have arrested me a few weeks ago.”

 

“What?” Albus exclaimed, and I realised that Harry was frowning as he turned to look at Albus and then to me. I had to do some damage control before they realised that Albus and I didn’t know anything about each other and weren’t actually in a relationship.

 

“I was going to tell you, Honey,” I stated, hand reaching out to cup Albus’s face, trying my best to look sheepish and that I was admitting to some big secret. I technically was, I just wasn’t as embarrassed as I was making out. “but, I didn’t know how.”

 

“What were you arrested for?” Albus asked me, turning to look at his dad, who didn’t say anything. 

 

The bastard had that neutral look on his face that he had whilst he was interrogating me in the Auror department of the Ministry after arresting me for indecent exposure in a public place. Back then I had cockily stared back at him, letting the robe - he had forced me to wear after he arrested me, so that I wasn’t practically naked -  fall to the floor as I struggled to stay standing in the spot, the copious amount of drinks making my balance shit. I probably shouldn’t have done those last three shots I had taken half an hour before I was arrested... or, accepted my friend Dex’s dare to run through Diagon Alley in my underwear. Harry didn’t do much in way of reacting then, telling me calmly to put the robe on and be quiet, but I took this as a challenge to get as naked as possible and as loud. Damn me being a mouthy shit when I was drunk!

 

Harry Potter got a right eyeful that day, but he tried to remain professional about it, fighting the laughter that had already escaped his colleagues. I merely stared at him with my hands on my hips, confident smirk gracing my lips. It got hazy towards the end, and I wasn’t quite sure what happened after, but I woke up in my cell wrapped up in the robe, which had been sealed shut by magic.

 

“Dad?” Albus tried, turning to look at Harry, who shook his head.

 

“I may have been running through Diagon Alley in my underwear,” I admitted out loud. Not exactly the first impression I wanted to make on Albus’ family. Ginny’s mouth was open as she stared at me. 

 

“What?” Albus spluttered. 

 

“In my defence, it was  _ really _  good underwear,” I tried to joke. Albus looked like he was far from laughing.

 

“You probably should have kept wearing it then,” Harry said slowly, and I knew that he was trying to make me uncomfortable. Dickhead.

 

Little did he know that I lived to make others squirm, and I was about to give back as good as I got.

 

“I was hot. I needed to air some things out.” I put a hand on my hip, flicking my hair over one shoulder as I did so. I wasn’t sure of Albus’ reaction right now, but I bet that he wasn’t happy.

 

“You’re lucky I didn’t put you back in cuffs.”

 

“You probably would have loved it, I know  _ I _  would have.”

 

Harry’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. I was winning, I could feel it in my bones. Okay, I think that this could technically be counted as flirting, and I hoped that neither Ginny or Albus hurt me for this. I couldn’t help it! It was a built in reaction that I did without realising.

 

“Normally, I prefer when I’m the one wearing the handcuffs,” Harry admitted, and I choked on air at his comment. Ginny was standing next to him, having watched the entire commentary play out and not stopping either one of us. She was either used to this behaviour, or was going to make us both pay for it later.

 

“He’s not lying,” she stated with a laugh. Albus looked like he wanted to be sick. “Come on, honey, let’s leave these two alone. We can get to know Hayley better later at dinner. It’s nice to meet you, I’m glad that you can give back as good as you get. My husband is known for trying to embarrass people, it’s good to know he’s got someone who will try to do the same back to him.”

 

“Please wear clothes to dinner, Hayley.”

 

“I can’t guarantee it, Mr. Potter.”

 

When I turned to face Albus, he didn’t look too impressed. Infact it looked like he was regretting asking me to be here with him. 

 

“I need to talk to my parents,” Albus stated, face even more pale than earlier, before he ran off towards where they were walking away. I had no choice but to wait for him to return, because I had no idea where our room was, and he had the only keycard to it.

 

“So, how much is my brother paying you to be here pretending to be his girlfriend?” said a sultry voice behind me that made me shudder slightly. 

 

I turned at the smooth voice, letting my eyes trail over Albus’ brother as he stood next to me.

 

“I take it that  _ you’re _ the elusive James that I’ve heard so much about?” I asked, arms folded as he smiled at me. 

 

My heart  _ did not _ just thud harder against my chest at seeing him.

 

I struggled to keep my eyes from trailing over him - The Potter family had some good genes.

 

James nodded in answer to my question, but waited silently for me to answer his.

 

“What makes you think your brother is paying me?” I asked cooly, I didn’t want to admit to anything out loud, I know that Albus said he had told James about him being gay, but for all he knows, I could be a real girlfriend.

 

“Because my brother is gay, and madly in love with Scorpius Malfoy.” James took a sip of the drink in his hand before speaking again.  “I also know that just over a week ago he was freaking out about needing to hire someone to be his fake girlfriend.”

 

“Curses! Foiled straight away.” 

 

“So, how much is he paying you?” James asked again. 

 

“You make me sound like a prostitute. I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted?”

 

“Flattered definitely,” James stated with a grin, that made me feel a bit weak at the knees. Either that or the two cakes I had for breakfast were finally catching up to me, and my own body was going to give out because I couldn’t stop gourging. The cakes were worth it. “Gorgeous enough to be paid to fake date someone. Figured if you were on the market…” He gave a shrug, not finishing his sentence and letting the meaning hang in the air. First I was flattered that he would hire me if I was a prostitute, then I was concerned that he regularly hired prostitutes. Did he even need to with bone structure like that?

 

“I was promised a slice of wedding cake, would you be able to top that?” I asked, putting on my best flirtatious voice. I probably shouldn’t be flirting with someone who has just implied that I was a prostitute, and was also the brother of my fake boyfriend. But, he was hot, and I was horny. It’s been months since I last got any action - if we didn’t count the boob grabbing night with Albus.The man in front of me looked like he actually knew what to do when presented with them. 

 

“Bit out of my price range, unfortunately," James gave a wince and a small shake of his head. 

 

“Pity,” I said slowly, before taking a deep breath that made my chest stick out as I smoothed down my dress. If it pulled down slightly to reveal more of my cleavage, that wasn't my fault. “I was looking forward to getting to know Albus’ brother more. I heard that he is a party animal.”

 

“Animal is definitely the right word to use, party… I'm not so sure about.” James’ eyes were drawn down to my chest, and I was glad that I wore this outfit. My greatest weapons looked amazing in it - if I did say so myself - and James wouldn’t be able to resist for too long. The urge to touch them would be too strong, just ask my fake boyfriend, even  _ he  _ couldn’t resist them and he was 98% gay. 

 

“What about the one in my pants? I can put you on the guest list.” I knew I was being forward, but that was who I was. I hoped that James was the same, because I really wanted to get all on top of that. 

 

“There's a list?” he asked, moving closer to me, eyes staring into mine intently. It was easy to forget that we weren’t the only ones standing in the lobby of the hotel, and I knew that I should probably be paying more attention to the people around me so that I didn’t blow my cover with Albus, but James was just so delicious looking. “What will it take to get me VIP access? I just know that this is a party that I desperately need to be attending.”

 

The grin took over my face at his words - he was  _ so _ on board, and I was going to show him such a good time he wouldn’t want to go to another party. Maybe he would be a regular here. 

 

Damn, now  _ I’m _ making myself seem like a prostitute.

 

“James, I see that you’ve met my girlfriend.”

 

Fuck, Albus had probably guessed what we were talking about. I turned to face him, and he didn’t seem too happy as he stared hard at James. 

 

“You’ve got a stunner here little bro, never knew you had it in you,” James stated, putting an arm around Albus’ shoulders and nodding in my direction. 

 

“Now, if you don’t mind me, Rose is expecting us to sit nicely through a shitty family dinner tonight, and I don’t plan on being sober through it.”

 

He winked at me, before releasing Albus and walking away. I watched him go, admiring the way that his jeans were hugging him in all the right places.

 

“Whatever you’re thinking of doing, Hayley, please don’t,” Albus hissed in my ear as James turned to smirk back at me. 

 

It was like Albus could read my mind.

 

“What makes you think I’m going to do something?”

 

“I can tell by the look on your face. Don’t do anything with him at this wedding.”

 

“Mark my words, Albus,” I said, turning to look at him and putting my hands on his cheeks in what would appear to outsiders as a loving caress, in fact, it was to stop me using the accio charm to drag James’ fine arse back over here. “As soon as this weekend is over, I’m going to ride your brother like there’s no tomorrow.”

 

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

 

I grinned before pressing my lips to his in a small kiss. He gave a small sneer that made me giggle. 

 

“Did you sort out things with your parents?” I asked as he tried to move his head away from me. 

 

“We should be fine. Shall we get out of here before I find out that you’ve flashed another member of my family.” 

 

Our hotel room was rather plush -  up on the third floor of the large hotel - and I couldn’t help but wonder how much it cost to rent. Not that I was paying any money towards it. I wonder if there’s a mini bar somewhere? I bet that Albus would regret asking me along when I empty it daily.

 

“Oh no, we have to share a bed,” I exclaimed, pointing down at the comfy looking king sized bed. “Unless, you want to sleep on the floor?”

 

Albus turned to frown at me as he dropped his bag down by the end of the bed.

 

“Why would I sleep on the floor? When there’s not only a bed, but a sofa right there.”

 

“Isn’t that what’s meant to happen? We see that we’re sharing a bed, and you offer to sleep on the floor because there’s so much sexual tension between us. We might wake up in the middle of the night spooning.”

 

Albus scoffed, and I threw him my best offended look. He sat on the edge of the bed and lay back, letting out a groan as he threw his arms up above his head.

 

“If you’re that worried about this imaginary sexual tension, you’re more than welcome to sleep on the floor.”

 

I kicked my own bag away and climbed onto the bed, making sure to move over him as I did. I could have just as easy walked around the bed, but where was the fun in that? Albus grunted in pain and I laughed.

 

“I suppose we can both be adults about the situation, and share the bed,” I turned to look at him, raising my fingers so that I could play with his dark curls. He didn’t seem too bothered by it, or if he was, he didn’t let it show.

 

“Are you the big spoon or little spoon?”

 

Albus gave a laugh of derision at the fact that I had asked. “Little spoon of course. You?”

 

I shrugged, rolling onto my back and moving my hands away from him. “I don’t mind, as long as I get my hug on I’m all good.”

 

“Is it bad that I don’t want to go down to dinner later?” Albus stated, raising his hands up to rub at his face. “Can’t we just stay here and watch crappy TV whilst eating junk and drinking?”

 

“As much as that’s my favourite activity, we need to go down to the dinner so that you can do your best man duties and steal the groom.”

 

“And you want to gawk at my brother like some kind of creep.”

 

“Well, I wasn’t going to, but now that you’ve mentioned it,” I laughed, sitting up and patting Albus on the thigh, causing him to jump slightly at the contact he wasn’t expecting.

 

“Hayley -”

 

“Can’t hear you, I’m too busy imagining the fun things I’m going to do with James,” I stated as I walked in the direction of the bathroom, bending down to pick up my things as I went, so that I could put my toiletries away. “I may be in here a while.”

 

The look of horror on his face would make me smile for the rest of the evening.

 

\--

 

"Promise me that you won't sleep with my brother this weekend," Albus whispered in my ear as James and I made sex eyes at each other across the room later that night. Albus had tried his best to steer me in the direction of a table that was far from where James was sat, but James moved so that he was able to make eye contact with me. I had never been undressed by someone’s eyes so many times in one night.

 

"I can't do that I'm afraid. This animal magnetism can't be ignored." 

 

Albus groaned and I could sense him rolling his eyes.

 

"At least do it in a cupboard or somewhere no one can see you,” he suggested quietly. 

 

"Such a classy location for our first time.” I gave a small sigh, pretending to wipe a fake tear from my eye. “Takes me back to my Hogwarts days."

 

Albus shot me a look over his glass of whiskey. Did the man not learn the last time he tried to down it? "I'm honestly not surprised by that. Just don't let anyone see and blow our cover." 

 

He downed the drink, and gave a wince. He pretended to ignore the amused look in my eyes.

 

"You make it sound like I'm going to shag your brother in the middle of the room. I have self control!"

 

"Hayley..."

 

"Fine! I won't let anyone see me sexing your brother. I won't blow our cover.... Blowing James, however..."

 

Albus put a hand over my mouth and let out a loud groan of pain at my words. 

 

"Stop! Just promised me another thing.” He removed his hand from my mouth quickly when I licked it, and he wiped his hand on his trousers in disgust.

 

“So many promises I don’t intend to keep.”

 

Albus ignored my comment, leaning closer to me. To outsiders it probably looked like we were having an intimate moment, little did they know what we were really talking about. “Don’t do it in our bed. I have to sleep there and I don’t want you and James doing the dirty in it.”

 

I grinned in reply, and he raised his eyebrows as though a silent communication to not make the joke that was running through my head at his words.  

 

“Kiss me,” I told him, grabbing for his cheeks and pulling him closer to me. I could see the fear in his eyes at my words, although he tried to hide it, and I couldn’t help but laugh as I released him and sat back normally.

 

“Don’t do that,” Albus exclaimed, hand moving up to his chest. “I thought my heart was going to stop.”

 

I chuckled, giving him a wink and turning to look across the room at where James was sat. He was in conversation with that Fred geezer from earlier, so I turned back to face Albus, who was staring like a lost puppy over in the direction of the couple who had just entered the hotel restaurant. I should have realised that they were the happy couple - I used the term happy  _ very  _ loosely - when I heard clapping and cheering. I reached across the table, gripping Albus’ hand and squeezing it gently. He squeezed back, before letting go of my hand and reaching for the glass of cheap champagne in front of me and downing that. 

 

Cheeky git.

 

“Come on, let’s go outside for a bit. I don’t think that I can deal with seeing Rose being fake with everyone before dinner, it’ll make me lose my appetite. .” Albus stood up, nodding his head in the direction behind him and I felt I had no choice but to follow him.

 

He reached for my hand and pulled me passed various family members and in the direction of the exit. We didn’t get that far out of it before we were stopped by a loud shrill cry behind us. 

 

“Who the  _ fuck _ is this?”


	4. The Wedding Would Be A Lot Better Without The Bride

Albus’s grin was tight as he turned around. It was the ‘happy’ couple that had arrived earlier, which meant that this rude bitch had to be Albus’ cousin Rose. The blond haired man next to her, looking as though he would rather be anywhere else had to be Scorpius.  
  
“Who the _fuck_ is this?” Rose exclaimed an angry look on her pale face as she stared at me as though I was shit on her shoe. Her hair was up in an intricate bun, wispy strands of red hair curling down, just begging to be tugged on. Her make-up looked good from a distance, but this close it was easy to see the way it was caking up around her neck as though she hadn’t blended it in, and was actually a different shade altogether from her natural skin. Don’t even get me started on her eyebrows.  
  
“Rose –“ Scorpius warned. I smiled as sweetly as I could at her, even though I wanted to smack her in the face. I would break the bitch in half! One of my thighs weighed more than she did. I could crush her like a bug!  
  
“This is my girlfriend,” Albus told her, before I could answer myself. I was a little glad, I didn’t think that saying, “I’m Hayley, bitch,” would have gone down well.  
  
Rose sneered, looking me up and down as though sizing me up. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she hated me straight away. It normally took a while for another girl to hate me, so I suppose this was some kind of record. I relished in the thought that I hated her first.  
  
“I didn’t think she was real,” Scorpius muttered and I noticed that he sounded a little shocked, hurt even. Rose, of course, interrupted him, it was clear to see who the more dominant person in the relationship was; poor Scorpius looked like he really needed to grow a backbone.  
  
“As you can see, she _is_ real,” Albus stated, indicating me with his free hand. The other was tightening its hold on mine.  
  
“Here she is, _larger than life_ ,” Rose muttered, arms folded against her tight dress.  
  
Oh, a joke about my weight. Hilarious! I had a fake laugh with her name written all over it. I gave a loud, short laugh, flicking my hair over my shoulder as I did so. She continued glaring at me.  
  
“What the hell is she doing at my wedding?” Rose asked, turning to face Albus and doing her best to ignore me, and pretend that I wasn’t there.  
  
“She’s my date, that’s what girlfriends are for,” Albus said slowly, speaking as though Rose was an idiot. I agreed with Albus, she was.  
  
“Well, she can’t fucking be here,” Rose snapped, stamping her foot, fists now clenched tightly beside her. My eyes widened at her childish behaviour, and I resisted snorting loudly. I wonder if Albus would hold me back if I punched her? Didn’t she know that I was here to watch everything crash down around her? “You didn’t tell me that you were bringing a date. It’s going to ruin everything I have planned!”  
  
“Like what?” Albus demanded heatedly, taking a step forward so that he moved in between Rose and I. I wondered if it was for her protection, or mine.  
  
“Seating charts -” Rose stated, holding up her fingers and tapping on them. Oh god, she was going to have a list of things. This was going to take a while. Scorpius shuffled towards me, not saying anything as his fiancé went crazy. Maybe this was such a regular occurrence he was just used to it, she seemed like the kind that would overreact to everything.  
  
“It’s almost like you’ve forgotten that we’re magical, we can just conjure a chair,” Albus snapped back, his own voice rising to match Rose’s. I glanced around, knowing that I should stay quiet even though I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, or applaud Albus.  
  
“And put her on what table? She can’t sit with you, and the bridesmaids,” Rose threw me a glare as If I personally ruined the wedding. She didn’t know that I was going to have a helping hand in it, and now I was planning to do everything in my power to achieve this. I couldn’t believe I had this much will power to stay quiet and not whack her.  
  
“Sit her next to James. I assume that you’ve stuck him at the back with the other members of our family who you were forced to invite.” Albus’s voice was getting louder, and his hand stayed in mine. I wonder if Albus was going to start cursing her himself. Would it be rude to ask them to pause this argument so that I could get myself some snacks, or popcorn?  
  
“It’s not my fault that James and Fred are too much of a liability to be involved in this wedding.”  
  
Really, James was a liability? What had he done for Rose to tarnish him with that brush?  
  
“I’m surprised that you’re continuing to have _me_  involved in this wedding,” Albus yelled. We were beginning to draw the attention from the other guests around us. I didn’t mind, it was more drama for me to be involved in.  
  
“Believe me, if I had a choice you wouldn’t be,” Rose seethed through gritted teeth, keeping her voice low as though she knew that people were beginning to come and see what was happening.  
  
Damn! What a bitch.  
  
I looked at Albus, who seemed to be trying to stop himself from throwing a hex at her.  
  
“Excuse me?” I demanded, coming to Albus’ defence. He shook his head at me, but I was annoyed. How dare she talk to my fake boyfriend like that? Who the hell did she think she was?  
  
“Rose, that’s enough,” Scorpius shouted finally, causing Rose to stop immediately and whirl her head around to look at him. “Don’t talk to them like that. I want them both at this wedding, and you’re not going to change that.”  
  
“Scorpius!” She stamped her foot again, like the child she was.  
  
Scorpius just shook his head, and Rose let out a frustrated scream before turning on the spot and storming back into the hall we had left. I watched her go, glaring heatedly at the back of her head as she did.  
  
“Al, I’m sorry about her,” Scorpius stated softly as I turned back to face them. He looked tired and worn down. “You know what she’s like, but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry Hayley, It’s lovely to meet you, and I can only apologise for Rose.”  
  
“It’s fine, Scorpius,” I stated, holding a hand out for him to shake. Even though it wasn’t fine at all. I was already planning Rose’ downfall in my head.  
  
“No, Hayley, it’s not. Rose is such a bitch,” Albus growled.  
  
Scorpius didn’t say anything to Albus’ comment, instead sighing again and scuffing his shoe against the gravel, hands shoved into his pockets. I wondered how he actually put up with her, he was either in love or being blackmailed. My money was on the latter.  
  
“I should get back inside, I’ve got appearances to make.”  
  
He didn’t say anything else, walking away from us with a lingering glance at Albus. Albus stared after him , and didn’t turn to face me again until he was out of sight. Thankfully, the family that had come out previously had disbursed.  
  
“Albus –“ I began, but Albus cut me off, staring forlornly after Scorpius.  
  
“I’m going to get us some drinks.” He darted off, leaving me in the garden. I threw my arms up in the air as I rolled my eyes at his behaviour.  
  
“Get me a Malibu and coke! Make sure you get me a straw,” I called after him, he waved a hand above his head to show that he heard me before disappearing back into the building.  
  
I sighed as I looked around the garden, I didn’t really want to go back into the dinner alone, so figured that I would just hang around here until Albus came back. Maybe we could go back to our room? See if the TV would actually work with all this magic around. I highly doubted it.  
  
If not, I could just raid the mini bar and let Albus pay for it. Unless I put it all on the brides tab.  
  
“Has anyone ever told you how gorgeous you are when you smile?”  
  
I must have been too distracted by my daydreams to realise that James had come to stand next to me, a sultry grin on his handsome face, looking all kinds of hot in his suit.  
  
“You look beautiful,” he told me, hand raising to my face, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear, and letting his fingers linger against my skin. I felt my breath catch in my throat, trying my hardest to not get lost in his smile. Albus would be back any moment, and his family weren’t that far from where we stood, they could see and I couldn’t do that to Albus. I took a step back, even though it took a lot of willpower to do so. James seemed to recover as he coughed and pushed his hands into his jacket pockets.  
  
“Oi, James! Apparently, Rose has told the barman that the open bar doesn’t apply to us at her wedding. What’s the point in even fucking being here if – Whoa, who is the hottie? Have you finally got someone desperate enough to date you, James?”  
  
I turned around at the sound of the new voice, noticing that it was the man that Albus told me earlier was his cousin Fred. He looked quite tipsy as he grinned at me.  
  
“I wish,” James told Fred, making my heart beat just a tad faster. “This is Hayley, Albus’ girlfriend.”  
  
The loud laughter that came from Fred’s mouth probably should have offended me, but it was a little funny to see a grown ass man falling to the floor in fits of laughter.  
  
“I leave you alone for three minutes to get us drinks and you’re already surrounded by the vultures of the family. What’s wrong with Fred?” Albus handed me a drink sans straw, and I heaved a huge sigh. How was this relationship going to work if my own boyfriend couldn’t get a simple request right? Men!  
  
“Besides the obvious?” James asked as I downed half of my drink in one go. Fred struggled to his feet, wiping his eyes as he stumbled on the spot and James put a hand on his back to steady him.  
  
“James just told me that Hayley is your girlfriend,” Fred said, pointing at me but looking at Albus as he spoke. I stared at the offending appendage and wondered if I could snap it, or bite it. I could see James smirking out of the corner of my eye as if he knew what I was thinking.  
  
“Yes, she is,” Albus said so confidently that even I believed him. Who would have thought that we would both be good at lying to his family.  
  
“Damn, how did you manage to pull a hottie like Hayley?” Fred asked, he had stopped pointing now, choosing instead to throw an arm around my shoulders to pull me closer to him. Albus reached for my free hand and pulled me away from his cousin, keeping it in his own and standing just a little in front of me. Fred merely winked at me, and blew me a kiss. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Fred, as flattered as I was by his comments about me being hot. He would be entertaining at least. Although, I could see why Rose probably didn’t like having him around.  
  
“Don’t be jealous, I’m not going to be stealing her.” Fred held his hands up in front of him, swaying slightly on the spot as he spoke. Lucky bastard had clearly been drinking more than I had, and I was beyond jealous. “I just find it funny that you have a girlfriend. I figured that you were just one of those people that didn’t like relationships or sex.”  
  
I scoffed loudly, causing all three men to look at me in question. “I can assure you that Albus is very much into sex,” I said before I could stop myself. Ah, who was I kidding, I planned to say it.  
  
Albus bulked at my statement, his hand clenching in my own. James looked amused, and Fred looked at me in disbelief.  
  
“The man can’t resist grabbing me any chance he gets. I’m surprised he’s managed to keep his hands to himself for this long. He’s such an animal at times.” I wonder how far I could push this?  
  
“I guess I was wrong,” Fred said, nodding at Albus, and looking quite proud of him. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again. “Do you and Hayley ever – _you know_?” he wiggled his eyebrows, and I had absolutely no idea what he was going on about.  
  
“Oh yeah, all the time,” Albus said slowly, sounding as confused as I felt. Fred pretended to wipe a tear from his eye before holding a hand up for Albus to high-five him, stating that Albus was _The Man_. I glanced at James as I downed the rest of my drink; his expression was hard to place.  
  
“The next round is on me!” Fred exclaimed, and I was all for drinking, especially if others were paying for it. “I want you to tell me how you got her to agree to do  _that._ Every girl I’ve asked has said no straight away.”  
  
I let Albus drag me along with them, James laughing behind us, as I wondered if I even want to try to guess what Fred was on about. It would probably scar me for life.


	5. 3am Wake Up Call

We didn’t last too long down in the hall before Fred caused a scene and James had to drag him away before other members of the family could get involved. Albus and I took this as our cue to leave and headed quickly up to our room where we could drink the contents of our mini bar.

“Can you believe that Rose is such a bitch?” I exclaimed, staring up at the ceiling above me, Albus laying beside me and doing the same. We had decided to get ready for bed, but both got too comfy on the bed to actually do anything to achieve that. “She probably needs a good orgasm to calm down.”

“That’s not going to happen anytime soon. They’ve never slept together,” Albus scoffed, causing me to turn my head quickly and face him. 

“Shut the fuck up! How long have they been dating?”

“Like, three or four years.” He shrugged, ending his sentence just like that even though I knew that he was hiding something important from me. I could tell by the look on his face. 

And they haven’t slept together? Don’t get me wrong, if that’s something you’re happy to do, I applaud you. But, I thought about sex too much to be able to achieve that. 

“Tell me everything,” I said to Albus, who tried to roll of the bed so that he could avoid answering me. I grabbed for his arm to stop him, and he put up a fight. He was so adorable. 

I pulled him closer, rolling on top of him with surprising ease – I blamed the alcohol in my system – and straddling him. I was careful not to put my entire weight on him, bracing myself on my own legs. He was trapped enough to not try to escape, but that didn’t stop him from still attempting to wiggle his way out of the situation. 

“You’re not going to just make a statement like that and think you can run off without telling me any details!”

Albus rolled his eyes, huffing out a breath.

“Scorpius told Rose he wanted to wait until his wedding night before they slept together, so when he proposed to her a few years after they started dating, she didn’t want to wait any longer and booked the wedding to be as soon as she could.”

My eyebrows were rising higher on my forehead at this information. “So, they’re both virgins?”

“Well, Rose is.”

My mouth fell open as I looked at the smug look that was gracing Albus’ face, and the twinkle that was gleaming in his eyes. The little shit.

“Oh my god! /You’ve/ slept with Scorpius,” I smacked him in the stomach with the back of my hand in excitement. “How the hell is he getting married to your cousin? And why have I only /just/ found out about this juicy piece of information?”

“Because he’s in denial that he’s possibly gay and it happened ages ago in school.”

“How can he be in denial? You’ve both had sex with each other, that’s a big sign right there. Is he saying that he just slipped and it just happened?”

“Not exactly, we had been drinking a bit –“

Of course! The main plot in all of those teenage fan fictions that I write – I mean, read. One of my favourite clichés! “It always starts with drinking. Are you telling me that when Scorpius drinks he starts acting on his feelings towards men?”

Albus shook his head, but the smile was still there, making his handsome face light up.

“Oh no, he was only drunk the first time. The others he wasn’t.”

I held in the squeal that threatened to shoot out at this news. I needed to calm myself down. “Okay, you need to tell me everything in great detail.”

Albus gave me a sceptical look. “You’re not going to get off on this are you?”

It was my turn to grin, moving my hands to my hips, and winking down at him. “Why? Afraid you might like it?”

Albus laughed loudly, hands resting on my thighs as he looked up at me, green eyes alight with happiness. He didn’t say anything, just kept laughing.

“How can she not know that he’s slept with you? Or think that something is wrong if he’s not sleeping with her? Have they done /anything/ together?”

Albus shrugged. “Well, I’m gay and yet I’m still touching your boobs,” Albus’ hands moved so that they were cupping my chest. I rolled my eyes and batted his hands away as he laughed. “If I can lie, Scorpius can too.”

“Yeah, but we have a fake relationship. As much as I would love to sleep with you.”

“That’s where I draw the line.”

I heaved a sigh, throwing my hands up in the air at his comment. “Our relationship is sexless; no wonder I have to find comfort in the arms of your brother.”

“You said that you weren’t sleeping with him,” Albus shot back sounding a little annoyed. 

“I’m not right now; I’m on top of you whilst you feel me up. Stop trying to change the subject. How can Rose still want to marry him if he’s slept with you? How can she agree to not sleeping with him if he’s already had sex?” I asked, hands back on my hips as I stared down at him. 

“She doesn’t know,” Albus said quietly, probably in the hopes that I wouldn’t hear him. I have impeccable hearing; I can hear a bag of sweets opening from the next room. Well, it happened the once when my dad thought he could sneak in and eat a bag of fizzing whisbees. I found him, and helped him eat them because I am a wonderful daughter. 

“How does she not know?” I demanded.

Albus went quiet, throwing an arm over his eyes so as not to look at me. I grabbed for his arm, and we got into a tussle again as he tried to escape, so that I had to shift my body weight around a lot to try to stop him from escaping. He was a slippery bugger. 

“Stop - Stop moving like that,” Albus told me desperately, hands moving down to my thighs. I stopped moving instantly, afraid that I had hurt him. The embarrassed look on his face, though, and the way he was trying to turn his body from me had me realising it wasn’t because of that. 

“Oh,” I said with a smile, shifting again with a laugh. A grin crossed Albus’ face again and his hands dug into the skin on my thighs, but I stopped even though I wanted to torture him. “Have we gone down to at least 97%?”

“More like 90% right now,” Albus groaned, eyes darkening slightly. “Fine, I’ll tell you, just don’t do that again. I haven’t had sex with a girl before, and I would like to keep it that way.”

If he expected me to stand up he was sorely mistaken, I folded my arms across my chest and stared down at him, waiting for him to speak.

“Rose doesn’t know, because he hasn’t told her. He won’t tell her, because she would flip her shit.”

“Of course she would, she’s marrying someone who has slept with her cousin, and possibly has hidden feelings for him. I wouldn’t be too happy if I found out that my boyfriend was gay... oh, wait.”

Albus rolled his eyes again, shifting so that he was resting on his elbows. I noticed the pained look across his face for a moment as he did so, but he didn’t say anything else. I also didn’t move because I’m a lovely person.

“Surely he can’t keep this from her, I’m not an expert on marriage, but I thought that they shared everything and keep no secrets from each other.”

“If she knows, she’ll stop Scorpius from speaking to me. She’ll do everything in her power to stop us being around each other and I can’t have that.”

He seemed too sad as he spoke, and I wondered if he had ever thought of the possibility that Scorpius might want to actually marry Rose.

“You’ve got to realise that Scorpius is marrying her,” I told Albus, as much as I didn’t want to, he needed to realise this. Even if he thinks that Scorpius might love him – and believe me, I want it too. I’m Team Scorbus all the way – Scorpius was still planning to marry Rose. “Maybe he wants to?”

“He only started dating her because he got scared after we both slept together. He’s having an identity crisis and is coming around to it. She doesn’t make him happy. I make him happy and he knows that. There have been times when we’ve almost done things – I can’t just let him do this without knowing how much I like him.”

“I’ll help you, Albus, because I believe that Scorpius does like you, and I want you both to get together. That, and your cousin is a bitch. No one should have to suffer through marriage to her.”

“She would have only divorced him in a few months, when he still didn’t sleep with her. I’m saving him from her trying to take half of his money.”

“If he doesn’t want her, then why is he marrying her?” I asked him. It didn’t make sense to marry someone that you didn’t love. If he had money of his own, then it wasn’t for the money. Was he really that far into the closet and in denial that he would have a loveless marriage just to keep up an appearance?

“Because Scorpius is too nice to break her heart. “

“Then the boy needs to grow a backbone.”

“Which is where I come in,” Albus told me. “I’ve got a plan and I’m going to make Scorpius see that it’s okay to come out.”

“But, you haven’t come out yourself, so ... you should probably practice what you preach.”

“I will come out for him. I will tell him that I love him in front of everyone if I have to.”

“Maybe you should have a quiet word with him first? Try not to make a scene at the wedding. People have probably paid a lot of money for this.”

Albus didn’t say anything, and the greatest idea ever came into my head in that moment. I slapped him in the chest with my hands as I bounced up and down excitedly. He groaned again, dropping his elbows so that he was lying down on the bed, hands over his face as he bit his lip.

“I told you to stop that. It’s not going to end well.” Albus told me, and I stopped, even though I was still excited.

“How fucking horny are you? I’m barely touching you. You’re like a teenager.”

“It’s been a while. Now, can we please ignore it and you tell me your idea.”

“But this is fun, I could bounce on top of you all day, and I can see it ending very well for you if you let me carry on.” It was an empty threat, he probably knew that because he just shook his head, hands moving to my hips, gripping them tightly. 

“You know, I could easily –“ I drifted off as Albus shook his head, and I moped for a moment before climbing off him and laying down beside him.

“What was your plan?” he asked me, voice slightly strained, as I got comfortable next to him.

“You should make it so that Rose can’t turn up to the wedding, and you marry Scorpius instead!”

Albus turned to face me, head resting on the pillow, lips slightly pouted as he did so. “I look good in her wedding dress.”

I didn’t miss the way that he worded that sentence. “Have you seen it?”

“She left it at Aunt Hermione’s house, so of course James pretended to need the loo and searched for it. He called me upstairs when he had and we tried it on.”

I giggled; the image of both Albus and James wearing wedding dresses was hilarious! I just wished that I could have seen the real thing. Maybe I could ask James to do it again. “At the same time?”

“No, we took it in turns.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Did you want to use the bathroom first? Before I have a shower,” he asked me. I raised an eyebrow at him, eyes glancing down his body before looking back up into his eyes. 

“Planning on spending some time in there thinking about Scorpius?” I asked him, with a wink as I stood up and gathered the things I would need to get ready for bed.

“You know it.”

I liked this Albus. I was going to have to get him to drink more over this weekend so that he loosened up this much and joked back with me. 

\---

I didn’t appreciate being woken up so fucking early in the morning, and grumbled as much to Albus as he got out of the bed and stumbled over to the door to see who was attempting to bang it down. I hissed as he flicked on the light, and I rubbed my eyes to try and sort out my sight to glare at the person trying to make my life hell. 

I perked up when I heard Albus speak. “James? What do you –“

"Can I come in?" James asked, walking into the room anyway and throwing himself down onto the bed next to where he lay. 

"That's the most polite way anyone has ever asked me for sex," I said quickly, surprising myself that I could make a joke that quickly when I had just been woken up. James turned to me, hand held up waiting for me to high-five him. I shifted to a sitting position in the bed, holding the cover to me with one hand so that I could high-five him with the other.

"Nice one!"

"Normal people wait for an answer before just barging into a hotel room," Fred stated as he walked into the room before Albus could get the door closed.

"Hey, at least I asked politely,” James shot back, his eyes still on me. I think he was still a little drunk from the party, I’m sad that my buzz was going. 

"Are any more turning up, or can I close the door?" Albus asked, still by the door as Fred climbed on top of the bed as well.

"Should just be us, its cool," Fred stated as James shuffled closer to me.

"Are you drunk?" I asked even though I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Are you naked?" He retaliated, winking at me as I lay back down.

Ha! He wishes! 

"Nope."

"You two are such an old married couple," Fred exclaimed, waving a hand around to point at both Albus and I.

"How are we old?" Albus asked, turning off the light and coming over to the bed, shoving Fred over - and closer to me - so that he had room to get back under the covers. I had to turn on my side so that there was more room for us all. 

"You're both in bed already!"

"It's three in the morning," I retaliated.

"Yeah?" Fred stated slowly. "You're both in bed! What could you possibly be doing in... Oh, oh have we interrupted?"

"Interrupted what?" James asked, I could feel him pressed up against me and tried not to move my hand just a little so that it would touch his leg.

"They were in the middle of sex," Fred stage whispered, causing me to laugh loudly.

"No we weren't," Albus shot back at the lanky man between us. 

"Yeah you were! You're both half-naked and Hayley looks unsatisfied. That just screams sex at me."

"Wow," I said slowly as Fred turned to look at me. His pupils were so wide and I wondered just how much alcohol the two had drunk, and why they didn’t include either Albus or I. "How many unsatisfied women have you had over the years?"

"All of them," Albus joked and James leant over me - his chest pressing against my back as he moved - to high-five his brother. I hit James as he moved back and he laughed as he tried to stop me, fingers slipping in between my own as he pressed his face into my hair. I shivered as his breath tickled the back of my neck, lips brushing against my skin. I glanced over at Albus and Fred, but Albus was now covered by the quilt so it was hard to see his face, and Fred had closed his eyes.

"Can I stay here the night?" Fred asked, shifting so that he was lying on Albus' pillow. It was very cramped with all four of us in the bed, but I was enjoying having James pressed up behind me.

"You have your own room," Albus muttered, sounding like he was moments from sleep.

"I can't remember where it is."

"Sleep on the floor," Albus grumbled, shoving Fred, who knocked into me, causing me to push James to the floor with a loud thump.

“You alright down there, James?” I asked, leaning over the bed to look down at him. Fred used this as an opportunity to move over in the bed, effectively taking half of my pillow. I tried to shove him back using my bum, but he slapped it instead of moving. I responded by kicking him in the shin as Albus’s snores filled the room.   
How did he fall asleep so quickly?

James sat up slowly, face coming within inches of my own. “Want to get out of here?” he whispered to me. 

“And go where? It’s 3am and I’m in bed.” I wanted to go with him so badly, but I would do unspeakable things to him if we were left alone. Although, it was early in the morning and most people would be asleep so no one would be any wiser. 

Fred’s snores joined Albus’, so that the room was filled with them. 

“Who knows? We could go for a stroll around the gardens and...”

“And make out in the bushes?” I attempted to finish his sentence and he raised his eyebrows, drunken eyes looking down at my lips as he grinned at me.

“I was just going to suggest rummaging for treasure, but if you want to do that instead?”

James stood up, and I pushed the covers off so that I could get out of bed and find my clothes. I sensed James’ eyes on my body, feeling excitement fill me at the idea of him checking me out. 

“You’re in your underwear.”

“Yes,” I stated, grabbing for my dress and pulling it over me, turning to face him as I readjusted the chest area. I didn’t have to, but the way that I caught James’ eyes trailing over me made it all worth it. “It’s not like you’re not going to see me like this later.”

Another loud snore sounded, and I couldn’t be sure if it was Albus or Fred that had made the noise.

“Is that a promise?”

“If you and Albus are going to have sex with each other, can you leave? Some of us are trying to sleep.” 

I giggled at the sound of Fred’s voice. 

“Please don’t have sex with each other,” Albus mumbled, waving a hand at us. 

As if that would stop the sexual tension between James and me from bubbling over.

“James, just let them have sex. It’s fine.” Fred’s arm waved in the air, hitting the part of the bed where he thought James was before leaving his arm there and snoring again. 

I giggled as James grabbed my hand and pulled me quietly over to the door so that we could leave. It was eerily quiet as we shut the door behind us and looked up and down the corridor to check if the coast was clear.

“Come on, we can go to my room instead of the bush. It didn’t look too comfy when I pushed Fred in there earlier.”

“Mmm, I was promised a stroll around the gardens – I’m not sure how you can top that offer?” I said to him as we walked slowly, James was surprisingly steady for someone who had been drinking as much as he smelt as if he had been. 

“How about we drink whatever’s left in my mini bar? We could probably fit some making out around that.”

I grinned as we stopped outside his hotel room, which was only down the corridor from Albus’ and mine. I would have to remember this for future reference. 

James patted his pockets and I watched in amusement as a small frown appeared on his face. “I can’t find the card to open the door.”

I opened my mouth to reply to him, but he surged forwards and pressed his lips to my own, pressing me back against the door. His lips were soft as they moved against my own, and I raised my hands to slide across his chest and up along his neck, tangling up in his hair and tugging gently. He hissed at the pain, before pressing harder against me. He pulled away, breathless, and I grinned up at him. 

“You’re not going to find it in there.”

“Well,” he ducked down to press his forehead against my own, pupils wide as he stared into my eyes - whether through lust or alcohol, or possibly both, I didn’t know.   
“I’ll continue kissing you, and you can search for it in my clothes.”

“Mr. Potter, is this just a way to get me to feel you up?” I asked in shock, although I was totally up for it.

James chuckled before grazing his lips along my neck. “You better hurry; anyone could come down the corridor and catch us. That wouldn’t end well for us.”

I took my time searching for the card. The cheeky bugger had put it in his back pocket, where I knew that he had searched earlier. All he could do was give me a lust-filled look as he opened the door and guided me into the dark room, flicking the switch with his hand as he kicked the door shut and backed me up to the bed. 

“Care for some body shots?” he asked, removing his lips from my body and standing up straight, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

He was a man after my own heart. It was my favourite way to drink shots.


	6. The Hen and Stag Party

_**A/N: I want to start by apologising for the wait for this chapter, or for any of my writing. I haven't found any energy, or motivation to write since my dad passed away back in November. It was a struggle to get back into writing, but my dad used to be so proud of it, that I want to carry on no matter how hard it is to do so. So, I'm going to try, I really am, and I thank you all for being so patient with me.  
  
** _   
_**I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and this hasn't been edited, so all mistakes belong to me.** _   
  


* * *

  
My morning walk of shame should have probably been at an earlier time. A ten in the morning walk of shame was just pathetic, especially when trying to sneak through a hotel of your fake boyfriends family, after spending the night doing body shots and making out with your fake boyfriends brother.  
  
I counted myself lucky that mine and Albus’ room wasn’t too far from James’ so I only had to run a small distance... well, walk a small distance. I left James on top of his bed, shirtless and passed out with those tiny bottles of alcohol scattered around him. I wasn’t sure how much we drank, but there was a high chance that I was still drunk. Especially because it looked like some blond man was sitting outside of my room, who would be tricky to pass.  
  
Fuck.  
  
I raised my hand and carefully combed out any dishevelment with my fingers, turning to use the chrome of a door handle to check that I didn’t look as crap as I felt. The man hadn’t noticed, his head was in his hands, and he looked like he had the entire world on his shoulders, crushing the very life out of him. It had to be the groom and object of Albus’ affections.  
  
I strolled over, partly because it was Scorpius, and I was curious to get to know that man who had stolen my fake boyfriend’s heart. Scorpius looked up as I neared a slight frown on his face as he looked at me. I hoped it was because he was trying to work out who I was, and not wondering where I had been. I could probably lie and say I was going for a walk.  
  
“Hello?” he said slowly, sitting up a little straighter and trying to mask the look on his face as he waited for me to speak.  
  
“Hey,” I gave a small wave – it was a little awkward, but that seemed to be my life today.  
  
“Did you need me to get Albus for you?” I asked, pointing at the door to mine and Albus’ room  
  
“Oh, no thank you. I just wanted to sit for a while.”  
  
I sat down next to him, and a small frown puckered at his brow at my actions.  
  
“How are you?” it seemed like he was trying his hardest to be polite, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because I was Albus’ girlfriend, or he was just a proper English gentleman and learnt to keep his emotions inside. They were the masters of polite pettiness.  
  
“I’m fine, just a little tender this morning from what I drank last night. Are you alright? You don’t seem very happy out here.”  
  
Scorpius shrugged. “I guess I’m fine.”  
  
“I’m no expert –“ even though I did take that term of psychology, so I probably _was_  an expert. “- but, I think you might be lying.”  
  
Who was I kidding? I _was_  an expert -- at lying.  
  
He was silent for so long that I wasn’t sure if he was going to answer.  
  
“It’s just... this is all so rushed.” Scorpius waved a hand around him, probably indicating the entire wedding, instead of this corridor around where we sat. Although, looking at the paintjob around the doors, it did seem a little rushed. “I didn’t think it would all happen this quickly.”  
  
“If you weren’t ready, why did you go along with it?”  
  
“I’m not sure,” Scorpius shrugged again, shoulders still slightly slumped. “I thought that we would be engaged for a few years first. I didn’t realise that Rose would begin booking things the next day.”  
  
What do I say? This is the perfect opportunity to convince Scorpius that he should marry Albus instead, and I had clammed up. Fuck. Fuck, this is my chance!  
  
“Did you want me to get Albus for you? He should be inside,” I jerked my thumb towards the door in front of us. “He can probably make you feel a lot better than I will.”  
  
“Yeah, he will,” Scorpius muttered under his breath, which I was sure he thought I couldn’t hear. I would have gasped dramatically at the insult, but I was thinking about what else those words could mean. Was Scorpius on team Scorbus?  
  
I moved forwards and kicked at the door, too lazy to get up from the floor, before shuffling back against the wall next to Scorpius. Albus opened the door, eyes wide in alarm and annoyance, before his eyes moved down to where Scorpius and I were sitting.  
  
“Someone needs cheering up,” I said, nodding my head to the side and indicating Scorpius, who was already standing up.  
  
Albus nodded before moving so that Scorpius could enter the room. I saw the way that he brushed against Albus, and the way that Albus’s eyes followed Scorpius, before moving into the room himself and letting the door shut behind him.  
  
My mouth was open in shock at the fact that Albus had just left me here as though I was worth nothing more than a few seconds thought. I was his girlfriend, the love of his life, the mother of his children - wait, that wasn’t part of the lie.  
  
I can’t believe that I’ve been sexiled from my own hotel room.  
  
Rude!  
  
\--  
  
“What do you want to eat?” James asked me, looking down at the menu in his hands as we sat on his bed. I shrugged in response, looking around the room and realising that he hadn’t cleaned up from our early morning shenanigans. It made sense to come back to James’ room when Albus wouldn’t let me back into ours. Although it took a while for him to answer the door to me, the lucky sod was still asleep.  
  
“Anything, I don’t mind.”  
  
James hummed as his eyes scanned the menu, whilst I watched him. His hair was still messy, and I was itching to run my fingers through it, grip it roughly, and pull him in for a filthy kiss.  
  
“Oh, I want a burger. Do you want one?”  
  
“Always.”  
  
James giggled like the adorable shit he is, before picking up the telephone beside his bed and calling down to get our room service.  
  
“What do you think Albus is doing to cheer Scorpius up?” I asked James, turning my head to look at him after he put the phone down. James faced me, shuffling on the bed to get closer to me, gaze moving down to my lips before he looked back up to answer.  
  
“I don’t want to think about what my brother and his ‘not-so-secret-secret-boyfriend’ get up to.”  
  
James’ hand was rubbing at the skin of my leg, an attempt to distract me that was close to working.  
  
“Do you really think that anything is going on between them?”  
  
“Have you seen those two together?” James asked, leaning closer to me so that our lips just barely brushed.  
  
“Scorpius must know that I’m a fake girlfriend if they’re that close,” I whispered, leaning forward to try to capture his lips. James pulled away teasingly.  
  
“Probably not, Rose has been doing everything she can to either be around them when they’re together, or give Scorpius a time limit on how long he can be out before she’s hounding him with Owl’s and Floo messages. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to control his stag do tonight?”  
  
I raised my eyebrows. Rose was either jealous of them, or was very controlling. The crazy bitch was probably both.  
  
“Well, I’ll definitely join the stag do. I bet I’m not invited to the Hen do, Rose doesn’t like me,” I stated, I think that was an understatement. She had been rude to me since I turned up, although she was hiding it under a sickly smile so that people thought she was being nice.  
  
James’s fingers were trailing across my skin, as he brushed his lips against my neck.  
  
“She’s intimidated by the fact that you’re more beautiful. It’s distracting attention away from her wedding day.”  
  
I smiled, at James’ compliment.  
  
“Now, can we _please_ stop talking about my family, and relive the highlights of this morning?”  
  
\--  
  
“You have got to be kidding me,” I groaned hours later, watching as Albus got himself ready. He was currently putting some sort of gel into his curly hair, pushing it backwards and looking effortlessly gorgeous. Damn my fake boyfriend for being hot, and gay. I would so tap that. “Why don’t I get to go to the stag night?”  
  
“Because you’re a girl, therefore you need to go to the hen party.”  
  
“But, Rose will be there,” I cried, pouting my lip out as I did so.  
  
“I know,” Albus laughed. I glared at him, and he had the decency to stop... although not for long. “You won’t have to be there for long, and you get the added bonus of being there when it all goes to shit.”  
  
I hate that he knows me so well.  
  
“You are right. I do like to watch drama unfold.”  
  
Albus was still doing his hair, whilst I put my makeup on. If I was going to this bitch’s Hen do, I was going to look fabulous.  
  
“And it’s going to be Rose kicking off, so you know it’s going to be good.”  
  
“Yes, but it’s going to be aimed at me. That’s the kind of drama I don’t like.”  
  
“You can take her in a fight. I wouldn’t worry too much.”  
  
“Can I come out with you all afterwards if it sucks?” I asked Albus, trying to put on my best sad face so that he would give in.  
  
“No. Men only, I’m afraid,” Albus told me, looking back at his reflection, and checking his appearance. I was tempted to put mascara on him so that his eyes would ‘pop’. I wonder if he would turn the offer down.  
  
“Isn’t that the tagline for your trousers?” I joked before I could stop myself, laughing loudly because I was fucking hilarious! Albus didn’t look too impressed, but I didn’t care. It was golden.  
  
“Besides, I don’t trust you and James around each other with alcohol present,” Albus added, and I gave a scoff.  
  
“Oh, we didn’t need alcohol this morning,” I stated and Albus whirled around to face me quickly.  
  
“You said that nothing happened.”  
  
“Nothing _did_ happen, I was joking. I had to go somewhere when you sexiled me from the room.”  
  
I wasn’t joking, well, not 100%, but Albus didn’t need to know that. He didn’t believe me though, I could tell. I knew that I would have to try a new tactic to get him off that topic.  
  
“Can I ask your cousin about her sex life?”  
  
Albus shrugged going back to looking at his reflection, hand pushing through his curls to style it. “Might as well, it’ll be hilarious to hear the shit she’ll come out with.”  
  
“Can I brag about our sex life?” I asked his reflection as I continued blending in the make up along my cheeks. I didn’t get these amazing cheekbones through dieting, they were as fake as this relationship, and just as amazing.  
  
“Depends what you’re going to say we’ve done.” He looked worried, and he probably had a reason to. I couldn’t help the devilishly evil smirk that crossed my plumper, dark red lips.  
  
“Everything.”  
  
He frowned at my answer, still staring at my reflection. “Everything?”  
  
“Well, not _everything_... there’s things that even _I_ draw the line at.”  
  
“Do I want to know?”  
  
“Probably not, I’ll keep it tame... ish.”  
  
“Should I be worried?”  
  
“Nah, I’ll just tell them the stuff that I want to do to James.” I grinned at him, and Albus gave me a look of exasperation before he shook his head and walked towards our en-suite. Of course, I followed him, standing outside the door that he shut behind him, beauty blender in my hand as I continued dabbing at my face.  
  
“I’m going to make you look like such a slut, no one in your family will be able to look you in the eye again,” I told him happily. I could practically hear his eye roll.  
  
“Hayley, I’m trying to pee.”  
  
I frowned at his words, throwing my beauty blender down onto the side. A bit too much information right there, Albus.  
  
“Why do I need to know that? Do you need help to shake or something?”  
  
I heard an exasperated sigh through the door.  
  
“No, you’re putting me off.”  
  
“I told you that I have boundaries, Albus. Now, how much of a slut do you want to be?”  
  
“Why do _I_ have to be the slut?” Albus called through the door before I heard the toilet flushing.  
  
“Don’t worry,” I told him. “We’re both sluts, so it’s fine.”  
  
“I’m not sure I like this,” Albus stated, as I heard the tap running. At least he was washing his hands.  
  
“No one likes to be called a slut; it’s just one of those things that women have to go through from time to time. A rite of passage as you will... because someone did right _my_ passage, if you catch my drift.”  
  
It was less effective to wink at someone when there was a door between us. I just hoped that he got the connotation via my tone.  
  
The door opened, and I grinned at Albus, who didn’t seem too happy with my attempt at a joke. I continued smiling, though, batting my fake eyelashes at him, and doing my best to look innocent and like butter wouldn’t melt. Albus responded by rubbing his damp hands down my face.  
  
“No! My contouring is ruined, you swine. How will people be amazed by my fake cheekbones now?”  
  
“You don’t need all that make-up on your face, you look beautiful enough without it.”  
  
“You have to say that, you’re fake dating me. But, I appreciate it all the same,” I told him, going back over to the mirror and seeing how much damage control I would have to do.  
  
I saw him watching me in the mirror, and I puckered an eyebrow at him in question. He merely shrugged in reply, but I noticed that he seemed fond for a moment. I scrunched up my nose and stuck my tongue out at him, causing him to laugh loudly and shake his head at me.  
  
“Try and have fun tonight,” he told me.  
  
“I won’t have as much fun as you.” I glanced back at my reflection, pouting my lips and sucking my cheeks in slightly to make sure that my make up looked perfect. “Try to get the groom drunk enough to admit his feelings for you.”  
  
“Won’t take much alcohol for that to happen,” Albus informed me, spraying himself with some aftershave as I walked over to him. He smelled delicious.  
  
I stood on tiptoes to press my lips to his quickly, he frowned and pulled away from me, and I laughed before pressing another one to his cheek.  
  
“Do I need to give you a safe sex talk?” I asked him. “Give you some condoms?”  
  
Albus rolled his eyes as I grabbed for my bag, and he reached for the key card, slipping it into his pocket. Mine was in my bag already in case I came back before him, which was likely. Rose seemed like too much of a bore for whatever knitting event she had arranged. Albus held my hand to balance me as I slipped my feet into my heels, and didn’t let go even as we left the room. It felt nice.  
  
“If you bring him back to the room can you leave a sign on the door? Otherwise, I’m walking in and watching.”  
  
“Maybe I’m into that kind of thing?” Albus winked, and I was shocked at his statement. Who knew that Albus Potter had a kinky side?  
  
\--  
  
I probably _would_  have had more fun at a knitting event; at least there would have been a sharp pointed stick for me to stab myself with. I had to settle for being bored to death, even if it was taking so fucking long.  
  
Rose, and her merry band of bridesmaids – three of them were actually called Mary – spent most of their time giggling and squealing over the other side of the room. I was glad that they had distanced themselves that far away, and I was put on a table of people that weren’t good enough to be near her. I should have known I wasn’t welcome by the sneers that Mary the Original, Mary the Revenge, and Mary: This Time it’s Personal, sent in my direction at seeing me arrive - at a Bingo hall.  
  
That’s right, _a mother fucking Bingo hall._  
  
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against a game this great, where you could win free money and the drinks are cheap. Nevertheless, this had to be the drabbest place in the whole of England, and they served the cheap alcohol, but sold it at extortionate prices.  
  
I couldn’t get a decent enough buzz from this shit. But, I had Albus’ cousin Victoire sitting next to me. Beautiful Victoire, who was banished to the misfits table because she had silvery blonde short hair up in a Mohawk, a lip ring, and dark make up around her bright blue eyes. The woman was a stunner, and she had a hip flask in her pocket, full of real alcohol. She was my new best friend.  
  
“This party is a piece of crap,” she informed me, handing me the flask discreetly under the table. I took it from her and poured a generous amount into my glass –   
Victoire assured me that magic was keeping a lot more in the flask then would appear. I handed it back to her, and she slipped in back into her pocket.  
  
“Your first mistake was calling this a party,” I informed her. Sipping at my drink and keeping in the moan of pleasure, I wanted to unleash.  
  
Victoire giggled, and dark looks were thrown our way by triple threat, and Rose.  
  
“Oh man, I wish that Dommie were here, she would have hated this as much as we do,” Victoire stated, ignoring the others and staring down at her bingo card as the caller read out the numbers.  
  
“How did she get so lucky to not turn up?” I asked, marking off 55.  
  
“She’s in prison.”  
  
I choked on air, as Victoire laughed beside me.  
  
“I’m kidding, the lucky bitch couldn’t get the time off work.”  
  
I grinned, wondering if it was on purpose that she couldn’t get the time off work.“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”  
  
We both erupted in giggles again, much to the chagrin of the fun Aurors.  
  
“Someone needs to save this shit show of a hen party. Shouldn’t there be some male strippers, or music? That table over in the corner are having more fun than us, and half of them are asleep. BINGO!”  
  
The tuts that came in my direction were hilarious, and I could only smile smugly as the caller stopped so that someone could come and hand me my gift. A teddy bear was carrying a heart that stated that he was in love with me. I could only smile politely as the caller carried on saying the numbers, and turned to Victoire who was struggling not to burst out into laughter.  
  
“The fuck is this?” I hissed at her, waving the teddy in her face. “I thought that we would win actual money, like in normal bingo games.”  
  
She actually roared with laughter, which earned her a scolding from everyone else in the room. She didn’t care, instead she continued, banging her fist on the table as she picked up my bear and pushed it into my face.  
  
“I lovvve you!” she squealed happily, as I laughed along with her.  
  
Rose wasn’t happy, and it took a while for Victoire to calm down enough so that we could continue the game.  
  
“Rose looks like she wants to murder you in your sleep.”  
  
She sneered over in the direction of Rose. “That’s the coward’s way out, she could at least have the decency to murder me to my face.”  
  
I snorted at her comment. “How much have you drunk? That sentence didn’t even make sense.”  
  
“If you think that I came to this shithole sober, you are sorely mistaken, Hayley.”  
  
\--  
  
The club teemed with people, and I wanted nothing more than to go to the dance floor and press my body against some sweaty strangers, and lose myself in the music. Victoire wanted to go to the bar instead (we had both emptied the contents of her flash back at the bingo hall) and I happily followed her, I was eager to keep this buzz going.  
  
“I can’t get over Rose’s face when you asked her about her sex life.” Victoire leant on the bar as she spoke to me, bent over enough to get some ample cleavage out and acquire the attention of the barman. It worked beautifully, and before I knew what was happening, we were being given two shots on the house.  
  
“Hey,” I said, holding my hands up in defence, as Victoire gave the man a wink, and blew him a kiss. “She was the one who started it.”  
  
“You probably didn’t have to go into so much detail. But, I’m glad that you did, I thought that she was going to kick you out.”  
  
“I almost died from boredom, I had to do something,” I cried leaning against the bar and looking around the club, I couldn’t see a sign of Albus or the others. Maybe they went to another club?  
  
Turning back to the bar, it was to see that Victoire was smiling at the person who had served us before, and waving a couple of tenners in his face. He took them with a smile, and before I knew it, more shots were lined up in front of me.  
  
“Well, you are my hero,” I told her happily, as we began downing our drinks.  
  
“Darling, I want to drink enough to forget this night ever happened.” Victoire’s eyes sparkled in the lights of the club, and I couldn’t help but stare at her. I wasn’t the only one who seemed mesmerized by the woman, the barman was practically drooling.  
  
“Maybe you should get the barman’s number? He seems quite into you,” I suggested, nodding my head back in the direction of the bar.  
  
Victoire shook her head, grimacing at the taste of the green shot as she slammed it down on the counter. “He’s not my type.”  
  
How could he not be her type? He was gorgeous and shirtless.  
  
“The guy has an eight pack, what isn’t there to like?”  
  
“He’s not the right gender.”  
  
“Oh,” I said loudly, a little shocked because I wasn’t expecting that piece of information. “Oh, then I need to wing woman the shit out of you, and find a lovely woman to distract you.”  
  
Victoire laughed, eyes alight as she downed another shot, before smiling at the barman as he brought two more over to us. “These are from the guy the other side of the bar,” he called to us as soon as he placed the drinks down.  
  
Oh, I haven’t had a drink brought for me by a stranger in a while. I hoped he wasn’t expecting any sexual favours in return, because he will be very disappointed.   
Unless, of course, I liked the look of him.  
  
“Is that James?” Vic squealed next to me, and I whipped my head around to stare at James. He raised a glass at us, and I cheered loudly, holding my shot up before downing it. I was going to have to show James how thankful I was.  
  
“What are you two doing here?” he asked coming over to us and grabbing for Victoire to pull her into a hug, before doing the same to me. It felt good to be pressed against his body, and I had to try to keep my wits about me. Me drinking, and James around wasn’t going to be a good mix. “Is Rose’s party over already?”  
  
“It was over as soon as Hayley started talking about her and Albus’ sex life?” Victoire yelled for us both to hear over the music. James raised his eyebrows at me.  
  
“Oh, really? That can’t have gone down too well.”  
  
I gave a shrug. “We were glared out of the room. It’s not my fault she’s a prude.”  
  
“You here all alone?” Victoire asked her cousin, who shook his head and leant forwards so that we could hear him over the music.  
  
“No, the others are somewhere on the dance floor,” James told us. Victoire was quick to rush off in the direction of it, leaving James and I to follow her. James placed his hands on my waist as I manoeuvred through the crowd, he leant forwards to speak into my ear as we moved. “You look breathtaking.”  
  
I grinned, relishing in the press of his body against mine as we moved through the packed crowd. The bass of the song reverberating through my body as the alcohol made my head feel fuzzy.  
  
“Hayley! What are you doing here?”  
  
Albus’ face came into my vision, and I threw my arms around his shoulders and pressed my lips against his, before hugging him to me tightly.  
  
“Albus! I think Rose hates me even more now.”  
  
Albus was chuckling as I kept my arms around his shoulders and spoke into his ear, trying to make myself heard over the noise.  
  
“What did you tell her?”  
  
I shook my head not wanting to answer his question. Instead, I laughed as I began to move my body to the song, letting go of Albus and turning around so that I could face Vic, who was dancing with James, Scorpius, and Fred – who looked drunk as he jumped around. Albus stayed close behind me, his hands holding onto my waist, pulling my body closer to his own as we danced to the heavy beat.  
  
“You look beautiful,” Albus said into my ear, sending shivers down my spine as his lips moved against my skin.  
  
I grinded my body against his, letting the beat control my movements. Albus followed every motion, hands trailing along my sides as he did so, before turning my body so that I could face him.  
  
He moved forwards, lips pressing against my own, and I gave into the kiss quickly. Mostly because he was hot, and partly because I was meant to be his girlfriend. It would look weird to Scorpius, Victoire, and the other people here with us if I didn’t kiss him back.  
  
Fucking Hell, who knew that Albus would be this great of a kisser? Surely it couldn’t be because of how drunk I was, right? Hell, I don’t even care, I’m going to kiss him until he has to shove me away from him. It couldn’t be long until he realised that I wasn’t Scorpius, and that he didn’t mean to kiss me at all.  
  
“You two can get it on later,” Victoire called, pulling me away from Albus so that I would dance with her. I couldn’t help but stare back at Albus, who was grinning at me, a hazy drunk look in his eyes as he watched me. “You said you were going to help me find someone.”  
  
Scorpius appeared out of nowhere to get Albus’ attention, by handing him a drink and pulling him into a dance. There was a red tinge to Albus’ face as he finally looked away from me, and focused on Scorpius, a smirk on his face.  
  
“A promise is a promise, my love,” I said, kissing Victoire on the cheek and looking around the club, trying to find someone that would be good enough for the advances of the beautiful woman beside me. I was also trying to resist the urge to pull Albus back so that I could kiss him again, and doing my best to not look at James, even though I was curious about his reaction to what had just happened. He must be as confused as I was; Albus had to be smashed to do something like that. “Which of these girls take your fancy?”  
  
  
 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have no idea what to name this chapter.... I shall come back and name it in the next hour odd. As you can see I increased the rating for this story, purely because of this chapter... and future chapters planned... :P Enjoy!

The worst part about drinking the night before is the fear in the morning when you first open your eyes. You’re not sure just how hungover you are going to be, and for those few seconds, you think that you’ve gotten away with it until you move just slightly and you realise just how stupid a decision it was to drink those last few shots.

The only thing I could tell was that it was morning, and Albus was the one laying next to me in my bed. Which, wasn’t that much of an achievement really, because the man spent a hell of a lot of time with his tongue inside my mouth. He was clingy the whole night and even blew off Scorpius a few times so that he could kiss me again. I wasn’t complaining, he was a gorgeous specimen of a man, and the jealous look on Scorpius’ face was completely worth it.

I stretched my body slowly, feeling a little lightheaded, and almost cheered at how I didn’t seem to have that bad a hangover. I was probably still drunk.

Turning to face Albus, it was to see him laying on his stomach, head rested on his arm, and peering at me through a small slit in his eyes.

“Morning,” I said softly to him. He gave a grunt and frowned as he rubbed his face against his arm, and groaned. His hair was wild and sticking out, probably not helped by the amount of times my hands were running through it.

“How are you feeling?” I asked as he looked at me again, eyes open a bit wider.

“Like shit,” he admitted in a croaky voice. Eurgh, I could kiss him again just because of that voice. “I don’t remember getting back to the room.”

“James carried you here over his shoulder, it was hilarious,” I told him, remembering laughing as James struggled up the stairs with Albus this morning. I think that Fred passed out on the stairs, but I can’t be too sure if that was at the hotel, or at the club?

Albus nodded, eyes closing again, and not seeming to care what I had just said. Unless it was a regular occurrence.

“I think we should talk about what happened last night.”

Albus’s eyes widened at my comment, and he was fixing me with an accusatory look. “What did you do?”

Excuse me, I am not the person who done something stupid this time.I was offended.

“How dare you automatically assume that it was _me_ that has done something.”

“It was a safe assumption.”

I rolled my eyes and made sure to shift around in the bed so that Albus was jolted. The groan he gave at my movement was revenge enough.

“What happened last night?” Albus asked pulling the quilt up over his head and trying to hide. The bastard was probably attempting to go back to sleep.

“You kissed me. Quite a lot.”

He didn’t react straight away, and I was worried that he had fallen back to sleep.

“Say what?”

“You snogged me, stuck your tongue down my throat, played tonsil tennis –“

“Please stop,” Albus muttered, sounding like he was on the verge of throwing up, and still underneath the covers. Just because I couldn’t see him didn’t mean that we weren’t going to be having this conversation.

“Did you kiss me first?”

“Nope, it was all you, Alby. Don’t try and push the blame onto me.”

Albus groaned again.

“Did we have sex?” he asked tentatively, he sounds terrified at the idea of it.

I looked down at my body, my clothes from last night still on because I was a lazy piece of shit.

“Sadly, we didn’t.”

Albus let out a sigh of relief as he peered over the covers at me.

“But, you did feel me up on the dancefloor.”

Albus shot me a worried look. “Are you sure that it wasn’t James?”

“I think I know whether or not it was my fake boyfriend, or his brother, who tried to get to third base with me in the middle of a crowd.”

“Fuck.”

“I can’t believe that you go straight when you’re drunk,” I shook my head at him, arms folded across my chest, as Albus looked like someone on the verge of an identity crisis. “I should have known.”

“I can safely say that I have never done that before.”

“You clearly can’t resist my womanly charm…”

Albus was shaking his head, slowly sitting up and looking quite pale. Hopefully from the hangover and not the shock of kissing me.

“I don’t remember a thing.”

“Way to make me feel special,” I joked.

“I must have been kissing you to make Scorpius jealous.”

“Bit harsh to admit that out loud.”

“Oh my god,” Albus ran his hands down his face, fingers pulling against his pale skin. “Oh my god. Did anyone see?”

“Albus, everyone saw. Everyone knows your dirty secret. You kiss your ’girlfriend’ when you're drunk. You're such a monster.”

“You must hate me.”

I scoffed as I got out of bed, reaching down to take my dress off. Albus didn’t even avert his eyes like he had done before, I think the poor lad was in too much shock to do anything but stare in horror. I reached for my dressing gown and put that on. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because I was using you to make Scorpius jealous,” he said slowly, fear in his voice as though he didn’t want to be admitting to that out loud.

“Albus, darling,” I said, walking over to his side of the bed and placing a kiss on his forehead. “You do realise that the entire point of me being here as your ‘girlfriend’ is to make Scorpius jealous. So, really, you’re doing what we had planned all along.”

Albus was nodding slowly, seeming a bit out of it. His pupils were still large, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he was still drunk.

“And, last night you achieved that. Scorpius wouldn’t take his eyes off you.”

Albus’s face lit up at my comment. “Really?”

“oh yeah, he was totally jealous. Now, get ready, I’m hungry and I want breakfast.”

Albus nodded, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and attempting to stand up. He failed epically and crashed back into the bed.

“Fuck… I think I’m still drunk.”

\--  
Harry was staring at me from across the table, slowly eating his cornflakes with slightly narrowed eyes. I raised an eyebrow daring him to do his worse as I cut into my bacon. He was plotting something, I could tell by how calculating his gaze was. Either that, or he was trying to work me out.

Ha, good luck with that one, Potter. I am a closed book. Unreadable. My emotions are kept locked behind an icy cold heart, surrounded by a fortress of solitude.

“So, Hayley, why did you never mention that you were dating my son when I arrested you?”

“Would it have gotten me out of going to the Ministry?”

“No.”

“Pity.”

Harry raised an eyebrow at me, and I smiled back at him. Humour filled his eyes, and it was easy to see how similar Albus was to him.

“Leave her alone, Harry,” Ginny scolded, buttering herself some toast. “Hayley, tell me how you and Albus met. I don’t think that he’s ever told us.”

I glanced at Albus, who looked like he was going to be sick, and didn’t seem too interested in our conversation. He probably should have been, it was about our relationship and we needed to make it seem believable. The poor guy was probably using all of his energy to stay conscious.

“We knew each other through a mutual friend, he kept coming into my work and getting drunk. His cheesy one liners wore me down eventually, and I agreed to let him come back to my place… the rest is history.”

I couldn’t remember what Albus and I had discussed back at my flat, if I didn’t have the wine then I would have been a lot better at remembering what was said. I could sense Harry’s quizzical look out of the corner of my eye, which I am going to ignore.

“Ah, I see,” Ginny said politely as I nodded slowly and shot a quick glance at Albus again. His eyes were closed and his head was resting on his hand.

“I think that I should get this one back to bed. He seemed to have a lot of fun at the stag do last night.” I jerked my thumb in the direction of Albus, who gave a snore and shocking himself awake from the noise of it. I snorted at the scene, and he peered at me in confusion.

“What did you say?”

I stood up, leaning down to place a kiss on top of Albus’ head and reaching for his hand. “Come on, let’s go and have a nap. Hopefully, you feel more human in a few hours.”

“You can’t,” Harry told us as Albus got to his feet slowly. “Scorpius is going to need you. Rose has come up with a million other things she wants at this wedding, and he’ll need someone who’s not going to make him explode. We all know that no one can calm him down like you do.”

I watched Harry sipping at his morning coffee slowly, although the look on his face made it seem that there was a hidden meaning behind his words. I wasn’t sure what it was, but he was now looking at me and smiling as he placed his cup back down on the table.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t come to find you, you two are normally joined at the hip,” Harry added, still watching me. He was definitely implying something, I could tell by his eyes. Ginny was carrying on with her breakfast as though her husband wasn’t being weird, and Albus - bless him - was just trying to stay upright. “You can’t have sleepovers once he’s married.”

_Oh._

Oh my god. Is he implying what I think he is?

“Harry, those aren’t sleepovers, that’s just them both going out and getting drunk, and staggering home together,” Ginny stated, focusing on her own coffee.

Harry merely gave a shrug. “My mistake.”

Albus just shook his head and pulled me away from them with a wave over his head at his parents. He didn’t say anything about Harry’s bizarre comment, but maybe that was because there was nothing strange about it. Was I being paranoid? Harry couldn’t know about Albus and Scorpius, because then surely everyone else would as well?

 _Fuck_. I need to keep an eye on him, he might become a problem.

“I’m going to go and find Scorpius, are you alright by yourself for a while?” Albus asked with a yawn as we headed to the stairs that would take us up to the rooms. I was already tired looking at them, I wished that I was able to apparate to the top of them instead. “You could probably find Vic to be with?”

“That might be an idea, I’ll find her after I have a bath. Her, or James.”

Albus side-eyed me as we both walked slowly up the stairs, the two of us seemed as lethargic as the other, and it probably shouldn’t have taken as long as it did for us both to get to the top.

“Don’t have sex with him,” Albus hissed at me, glancing around to see if anyone would be able to hear us.

“Same goes for you and Scorpius, love of my life.”

I blew him a kiss, and he winked at me as he pretended to catch it and put it into his pocket, before walking away from me.

He was such an adorable little shit.

\---

My plans for a bath uninterrupted went to shit because as soon as I stopped running the water, there was a knock on my hotel room door. Throwing on my dressing gown, I groaned in annoyance as I walked over to answer it. There better be a hot, hunky man the other side of this door with a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine, otherwise, someone was going to pay.  
  
I opened the door and saw James standing the other side of the door, a mischievous grin on his face. I suppose one out of the three wasn’t too bad, right?

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” I asked, leaning against the doorframe and leaving him standing out in the corridor. If he thought that he was going to come in when I had a bath waiting for me, he was mistaken.

James pulled a hand from behind his back, revealing a rubber duck. “I heard that you were having a bath, and I was wondering if there was room for two?”

“There’s always room for the rubber duckie.” I took the duck from him and put a hand up to stop him from walking into the hotel room. “You, however, will have to wait your turn. How did you know that I was having a bath? Is it that important an event that it was in the Daily Prophet?”

“The story has gone global, I heard that even The New York Ghost is reporting on it. I’ve been sent to cover the story… as well as other parts of you.” he was looking me up and down with a hungry look in his eyes, that was making butterflies flutter through me.

“Then I guess that you better come in,” I grinned, looking up and down the corridor before grabbing the front of James’ top and pulling him into the room. His lips were on mine before I managed to shut the door fully behind us.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you since yesterday,” he told me once he pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. I glanced into his beautiful eyes as I tried to get my breathing to go back to normal. “Damn my family for being around all the time. I should have taken you somewhere private and had my way with you.”

“The only private place in the club would have been the toilets or the alleyway. Now, I’m not saying that they’re not classy locations, but we almost definitely would have been caught by someone.”

James chuckled as he pressed his lips against mine again, hands cupping my face as he did so. This one was more tender than the other ones that we had shared, but it was still able to make me swoon.

“I wish that it was me kissing you last night instead of Albus,” James admitted.  
  
“Are you jealous?” I asked curiously.

James shook his head. “No, not really. You are his ‘girlfriend’ after all, and I lay no claim to you. I just think you’ll have a lot more fun with me.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh yeah. I’ll let you have fun with him for a while before I show you what a real man can do.”

Now, _t_ _hat_  sounded like a plan to me.  
  
“Then we need to hurry up and get Scorpius to admit his feelings for Albus,” I told James, smacking his hand away as he took hold of the rope that tied my dressing gown together. James pouted down at me, and I shook my head at him, retying the rope so that my dressing gown stayed closed.  
  
“Maybe we should have Scorpius catch you kissing me?” James suggested, leaning closer to me and brushing his lips against the side of my face.

“Why would I be kissing you?” I asked breathlessly, as he trailed kisses along my jaw.

“Kissing, _f_ _ucking_  – whatever. I don’t mind which one, as long as he catches us.” His hand was trailing up the front of my dressing gown, fingers skimming across the patches of bare skin as he did so.

“Mmm, and what will the plan be then?”

I should stop him, I was going to give in it I didn’t, and this was treading some very dangerous ground.

His hands were moving back down, and I reached up to card my fingers through his hair as he spoke, lips brushing against the skin of my collarbone.

“Well, we’ll be kissing in what we think is a secluded part of the hotel, and we’ll make sure Scorpius comes down that way because of something important that Albus needs him to do.”

His hands were down at the bottom of my dressing gown now, fingers pulling up the material as he pressed me back against the wall and ground his body against mine.

“Yeah? And what will we do then?”

“I was thinking of fingering you.” As James said those words, his fingers rubbed against my clit, and further down to slide against my wetness. I groaned at his touch, grip tightening in his hair, and pulling his mouth to mine as one of them entered me. “He would catch you screaming my name.”

I bit his lip, pulling it as another finger followed his first. He curled them, and I felt my knees begin to shake slightly. Oh, god, he knew what he was doing without me needing to tell him. He stopped speaking, capturing my mouth with his own, silencing my moans as he moved against me, hand unrelenting in its touch.

“James,” I hissed as he kept moving his hand. This was good. It was _so_  good. “James, I want you. Oh god, do I want you.”

His grin was smug, and I moved my hands down to his trousers, trying to undo them so that I could reach inside, but James was doing a mighty fine job at distracting me. I lost my grip and settled for just gripping his arms as the pleasure built up in me. I wasn’t going to last, I was going to fall apart. Fall off the cliff and take James tumbling down into the waves with me.

“Fuck. James, fuck.”

“I want to,” James told me, whispering in my ear as I buried my face into his neck and bit the skin there. “I want to fuck you so badly, Hayley, you don’t even know how much. Every time I see you, I want to take you right there and then. As soon as this weekend is over I’m going to spend days worshipping you.”

It was too much, and I clutched him to me as I came. Lightheaded and giddy, James didn’t stop moving until he was sure that I was finished.

I breathed hard as he pulled his fingers out of me, and pressed his lips to mine. I couldn’t move away from the wall, too spent to do anything that required thinking. I knew that I looked wrecked, and I didn’t care.

James was backing up, bringing his fingers up to his lips as he did so, placing them into his mouth as he reached for the doorknob. I could only frown at him, wondering where he was going.

“Just something for you to think about when you’re having your bath,” he informed me, a grin on his lips as he winked at me and left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving me alone.

The little shit.

He was the best thing about this weekend. This was going to be an interesting bath indeed.

\--  
  
“Good luck at the dinner,” I told Albus later that day. I had changed into a dress after my bath and was chilling in the room as I waited to meet up with Vic. I was trying to keep the smile off my face as I thought about James’ teasing earlier, but it was hard, and Albus was looking a little suspicious at me.

“The only good thing about it is seeing Scorpius’ handsome face,” Albus grumbled, looking more awake and energetic than earlier.  
  
“What’s happening? I need to know what’s going on with you and Scorpius?”

“It’s not going as well as I hoped,” Albus admitted. “They had an argument this morning, and then Rose kept turning up every time Scorp and I were alone. Although, apparently they’re still not over their argument this morning. They had another one out on the grounds, and Scorpius dragged me away before she could keep yelling.”

“What’s she so angry about?” I asked. Poor Scorpius, he didn’t need to be yelled at all the time.

“She didn’t like how drunk he got on the stag do.”

“She should have seen you,” I snorted. “You were a lot worse than Scorpius was.”

“Yeah, and it seems that you weren’t the only one that I was kissing that night.”

“Slut,” I gasped loudly, throwing a hand dramatically to my chest as I laughed.

Albus raised an eyebrow at me, and I realised that he had just admitted to kissing someone else. “Hang on, you kissed someone else? Did you cheat on me? No wonder this relationship is in shambles.”

“You can speak! You’re the one going off with my brother. I told you to wait until after the wedding.”

“I think you’ll find that you told me to find a broom closet.” I grinned at him. “So, who did you kiss?”

Albus smirked, and my mouth fell open at his actions.

“Oh, you didn’t? You kissed Scorpius?”

He shrugged, trying to play cool. “Apparently.”

“Apparently? What do you mean _apparently_?” I came over to him and wrapped my arms around him from behind, he laughed as he tried to get me to let go.

“I can’t remember it, but Scorpius brought it up.”

His little cheeks were going red, and he was giggling like a schoolgirl. To be fair, he tended to do that whenever he talked about Scorpius, I had lovingly begun referring to it as his Scorpius laugh.

“Interesting. What did you say to him? I hope you told him you would like a reenactment of last night.” I turned him so that I was hugging him properly. He resisted a little, before wrapping his arms around me and leaning his chin on top of my head. I should have put my heels on.

“What could I say? I’m meant to be dating you.”

The idiot, he should have jumped Scorpius and forgotten all about me.

“Who cares about me! You should have spent the day kissing him, you fool! This is what we’ve been wanting, and the second it’s within your grasp you chicken out.”

“I don’t know what to do to let him know I want him.”

“Tell him that you’re going to break up with me, that you want to be with him, and you’ll dump my arse – however fine it may be – to be with him.”

Albus laughed but shook his head, arms still tight around me.

“I’m serious. You can dump me in front of him if you want?”

“I don’t want to seem like a heartless prick.”

“Do it nicely?”

“Is there a nice way to dump someone at a weekend family wedding?”

We stood in silence for a while, and it was nice to be in Albus’ arms. It was comforting to feel his hand rubbing up and down my back gently. If I squinted really hard I could see us being in a relationship - you know if he wasn’t gay, and I didn’t have sexual feelings for his brother. I’d have to settle for him being my backup husband.  
  
“Send me a howler!” I cried suddenly, causing him to jump at my outburst.

“I’m not breaking up with you in a howler.”

“Tell me that I’ve turned you off women and now you’re only interested in men. I’ll cry, and find comfort in the arms of James.”

“Not funny.”

“It’ll be beautiful.”

I could feel the vibrations of his laughter against my face, and I leaned away to press a kiss to his cheek and moving away from him.

“If you do it in the middle of the ceremony that would be good too, it’ll definitely ruin the wedding. Or, you could have me catching you kissing Scorpius.”

“I think the second one is more likely to happen then the howler.”

“Pity. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be dumped by howler.”

“Seriously? Ask Fred what it’s like, he got one in school once.”

“That was true?” I asked whirling around to face him as he tousled his perfect hair. It frustrates me that he doesn’t even need to do anything to his hair to make it look gorgeous, his bed head was sexy as hell. Mine was like a bird’s nest that needed a spell to sort out. “I always thought that it was an urban myth.”

“It was a joke by James on April Fools Day. Fred never actually had a girlfriend at the time. He didn’t start disappointing girls till a few months later.”

“Poor guy.”

“I’m going now, have fun with Vic,” He smiled at me, “I’m not sure what time I’ll be back.”

“Filthy stop out.”

Albus winked, a cheeky grin pulling at his plump lips. “Don’t wait up.”

“Tell Scorpius that I broke up with you. It might earn you some pity sex.”

“Pity sex is the dream,” he laughed as he left the room.

I shook my head as I searched for my shoes. I wasn’t sure what Vic and I were going to be doing, but anything was better than sitting in this hotel room alone with nothing but my thoughts… of James.

It was probably best that I was going out… maybe James was around and we could have a second round of earlier?

 


	8. The Best Plan That Had Ever Been Planned!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vic was a beautiful goddess, who deserved the world!

"So... how long have you been fake dating my cousin for, then?"  
  
I swallowed my drink with difficulty as I tried not to react to Vic's question. She had a slight smile puckering at the corners of her mouth, and the look of someone who had just found out a massive secret. The bitch was smug. Smug as fuck.  
  
"I don't understand. I'm not fake dating Albus."  
  
She didn't believe me, which is ridiculous; my acting skills are award worthy.  
  
"And quite frankly I'm insulted that you think my love for Albus isn't real. Insulted!" I repeated louder for good measure.  
  
Vic was actually smiling this time, her beautiful blue eyes lighting up with mirth and mischief and giving her the look of a pixie up to no good. How was this family so good looking? History lesson of the second Wizarding war did not prepare us for that! They could have at least included some pictures of the gene pool that was the Weasley/Potter clan so that is lesser mortals knew that we didn't stand a chance. At least we'd be prepared for it.  
  
"Hayley, Darling," Vic was swirling her drink around her glass slowly as she spoke. "I have known that Albus had a crush on Scorpius before he did."  
  
"Albus loves me. We are in a happy, sex-obsessed relationship."  
  
"I've known that he was gay since he was five. He spent a whole summer trying to get me to play mummies and daddies with him, and I was the babysitter to his and his husband’s baby."  
  
"Were seriously in love..."  
  
"He told me that he was going to marry Shaun Keegan, the Beater for the Wimbourne Wasps – “  
  
"Fine! So we're not a conventional couple..." I tried. It was pointless, she knew it was a sham, she knew that I knew she knew. I should give up on this whole charade and come clean.  
  
“I saw him kissing Scorpius last night at the stag do.”  
  
I bulked at her words. How did she see it and I didn’t?  
  
“Albus and I have so much sex."  
  
Vic snorted loudly, and even I joined in with her.  
  
“I can’t even keep this up,” I said, shaking my head. "If you knew all along that he loves Scorpius, why are you all letting this wedding go ahead?"  
  
"Because we hate Rose with a passion and want to see everything crumble down around her."  
  
“We? Who are we? Albus seems to think that no one else knows that he’s gay.”  
  
“James and I know, and I think that’s about it. We haven’t said anything to anyone because it isn’t our place to.”  
  
"Fair enough. Should I get the next round? And we can plan how we’ll make Albus get the man?”  
  
“Sure, and then you can tell me what exactly is going on between you and James.”  
  
I bulked at her statement, how could she be so in tuned to what was happening? I thought that James and I were being careful... maybe no one could ignore the raw animal magnetism that was our lust for each other.  
  
“How do you know there’s something going on between us?” I asked, not even bothering to try to cover my tracks. She knew somehow, the beautiful intelligent witch that she was; she probably has amazing superpowers that I could only dream of.  
  
“I saw you coming out of his room.”  
  
“Damn, I thought that we were being sneaky," I said standing up so that I could make my way to the bar.  
  
“So, tell me why you’re not at the rehearsal dinner?” I asked Vic as I came back with the drinks. She was putting on mascara using her reflection from an empty ashtray off the table, and I couldn’t help but admire how talented this woman was. She was going to take over the world one day, and I couldn’t wait to cheer her on. She was such a goddess and the world needed to know!  
  
“Why aren’t you?” she countered, putting the ashtray down, and putting her mascara back into her bag as she ruffled her short hair so that it looked sexier than before – if that was even possible.  
  
“When no one knows that you’re coming to the wedding, you don’t get an invite to the exclusive parties. I have to look in sadly through a window.”  
  
Victoire laughed her beautiful laugh, and I was hit with just how much I wanted to be her best friend. I needed to keep her in my life.  
  
“I didn’t go because I’m already going to her wedding and reception tomorrow, why would I punish myself twice? What am I rehearsing? How to eat food and be shunned to the misfits table?”  
  
“I take it you’re skiving as well,” James said sitting down in the seat next to me, and making me jump slightly. I hadn’t even heard him approaching the table, or Fred, who had taken the other vacant seat.  
  
“Yep,” Victoire said, popping the ‘p’ as she spoke. “What about you? Didn’t fancy being shunned to the losers table?”  
  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually put that on our name cards,” Fred moaned, downing the drink in his hand, and holding up the empty glass in the direction of the bartender. Another one brought over to him quickly.  
  
“Are we worthy of name cards?” Victoire asked, head tilted to the side in speculation, and James gave a snort.  
  
“I didn’t want to be subjected to the facade that was us all liking Rose, and giving a shit about this wedding,” Fred stated with a shrug. “I’m only here for the open bar, and the hope that Rose falls over in her wedding dress, or says the wrong name at the altar. I can’t wait to have everyone see that she’s not the princess that everyone thinks that she is.”  
  
“I know where she keeps her wedding dress,” Victoire stated. We all turned to look at her, before looking at each other. Fred’s eyes were alight with mischief, and I wanted to know so badly, what was going through his head right now. It was bound to be brilliant.  
  
“We should hide it! Or change its colour to a slightly different shade of white.”  
  
It was the best plan that had ever been planned. I was so glad that I was a witness to this historical moment.  
  
“We can’t do that,” James stated, trying to be the voice of reason, and I guess he was right; changing the colour just slightly was too much. We were already rooting for the groom to run off with the best man, we can’t do something to the dress as well, that was too harsh.  
  
“You do know that Rose was the one who convinced your ex to break up with you via Howler, right, Fred? Apparently she wanted to do it to your face, but Rose told her to do it with a Howler.”  
  
Fred’s face went redder with anger, and if steam could come out of his ears, it would.  
  
“Oh man, that’s fucking harsh! How do you know?”  
  
“Scorpius told me yesterday when he was drunk off his face.”  
  
“What a bitch!”  
  
“I still can’t touch her dress... that’s not right,” James stated slowly as though unsure if he even agreed with what was coming out of his mouth. “As bad as it was what happened with Fred.”  
  
“She told Aunt Ginny that you threw a party when they were gone, and that you had sex in their bed.”  
  
James took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. “It’s still her wedding dress – “  
  
“Rose was the one who cut up Mr Ted, and threw him in the bin.”  
  
“The bitch!” James seethed. “That’s it! I’m wearing her fucking dress!”  
  
“Mr Ted? I’m assuming that this is a teddy bear that James had and not some random family friend. Otherwise that’s murder, and we should probably report her.”  
  
“It’s still murder! Let’s report her!” James cried loudly, banging his fist down on the table.  
  
“Mr Ted was James’ bear from when he was born; he was attached to that thing for years, until one day Rose decided that he was too old for childish things and destroyed it.”  
  
“I planned on handing that down to any future child that I had, and she ruined that. We need to make her pay!”  
  
“We should wear her dress!” Fred exclaimed loudly, banging his fist onto the table, and causing everyone in the vicinity to turn and look at us.  
  
“This took an unexpected turn, yet, I’m surprisingly still on board,” James stated with a laugh and a confused look over his face. “How are we going to get into her room though?”  
  
“Are we witches and wizards, or not? We obviously Wingardium Leviosa someone up to the window of her room. They then kick the window in, unlocks the door so that we can get in, we fix the window and run away from the scene.”  
  
“Or... and hear me out here,” Victoire stated holding a hand up to stop him from interrupting her, in defence of his downright terrible plan. “We just use Alohomora on the door.”  
  
I suppressed a snort as Fred looked at her as though thinking it over, and then nodding.  
  
“Yeah, that might work.”  
  
\--  
  
According to the strict timeframe that Rose had her rehearsal dinner on, apparently, they should all be enjoying their main courses – well, that’s what Fred said anyway.  
  
“We should have an hour tops to get in, wear the dress, and then leave.”  
  
“We’re not actually going to ruin the dress are we?” I asked, feeling a little guilty about the idea that we were going to ruin a wedding dress. As much as I disliked the woman, no one deserved to have their wedding dress ruined... although am I really one to talk? I was on the side of her wedding going to complete tosh, and have the groom run away with the best man.  
  
“Nah, we’ll just get James to wear it, take a picture of it with a portable camera, and then send it to her after the wedding. She won’t know until she sees the picture, but we can be happy in the knowledge that one of us wore it first.  
  
I shrugged, if that was all the revenge that they could muster, who was I to stand in the way of such justice?  
  
We all snuck into the room, thankful that the area was as vacant as the room was, and stayed as lookout near the door with Victoire in the event that things went to shit at the rehearsal dinner and they all came out early.  
  
Victoire was swigging from her hip flask again, leaning casually against the wall with one foot against it, taping at the paintwork.  
  
“So, what did Rose do to you?” I asked Victoire, hoping that having some alcohol in her system would make her loose lipped. Victoire wiped her lips on the back of her hand, before passing me the hip flask. A pained look filled her face as she looked at me, as though contemplating whether she should tell me. My face must have looked trustworthy enough for her to decide to, because she looked around for a sign of the guys had gone before she leant a bit closer to confide in me.  
  
“When I was fourteen, I had just come out to my family and she gave me a really hard time about it all. She acted like a total bitch and tried to somehow turn it around so that it affected her really badly to try to get attention. A few months after I did, she got a friend to pretend to be a girl who was interested in me and want to meet me in Hogsmeade. I fell for it hook line and sinker, not even questioning the letters that I was receiving from this mysterious girl. I was stood up, obviously, because she wasn’t real, and Rose comforted me. I didn’t find out it was her until a few years later, and I never told her that I knew that she was behind it all. I can never forgive her for it.”  
  
“Oh, Vic, I’m so sorry,”  
  
Victoire gave me a smile and small shrug. “It’s okay. I’m fine now because I used that as a teaching moment to give me more strength, and to learn whom I can and can’t trust. It’s one of those things that I can’t change, but I can grow from it.”  
  
“Well, I think that you’re a badass, and any girl would be lucky to have you!”  
  
“Thank you, Hayley.”  
  
Fred stuck his head out of the door in that moment, looking around before grinning mischievously at me, and wriggling his eyebrows.  
  
“We have the dress.”  
  
With excited looks at each other, we entered the room to find James fitted snugly into it, a veil over his face, and what appeared to be socks balled up to act as tits. I couldn’t help the roar of laughter that came from me, bending over double as I tried to stop myself from falling apart.  
  
“Don’t you think that I’m the prettiest bride that ever walked the earth?” James asked, pouting his lips at us, and sticking his bum out as he pulled a ridiculous pose. The weirdo had even tried to stuff his feet into her heeled shoes, and was wobbling around like a newborn Hippogriff.  
  
“I need to find the camera! Give me a minute, I think that it’s in my room,” Fred stated, rushing from the room. “Victoire keep a look out until I come back.”  
  
Victoire followed him, and I was left staring in amusement at James, who was trying to strut around the room.  
  
“You know, you may now kiss the bride,” James stated, stumbling over to me, and just managing to right himself as he grabbed my arms. I laughed, and waited for him to be able to stand straight, before I lifted the veil – which was difficult to do, as he was so tall in those heels – and pressed my lips to his.  
  
I really shouldn’t have done it, because he lost his balance quickly, and tumbled to the floor like a ton of bricks. The unmistakable sound of ripping fabric met our ears, and it took me until I saw the horrified look on James’ face to realise what had just happened.  
  
“Oh, shit,” James stated, kicking the shoes off and getting to his feet. He was looking down at his bottom of the dress, and it took me a while to realise why. A large rip now went down the back of the dress.  
  
“Fuck! She’s going to kill us!” I exclaimed loudly. She was. She was going to kill us so hard for ruining her wedding dress. She was going to know that it was us, and murder us all in our rooms.  
  
“She won’t know that it’s us! We just need to stash it away and run away. It’s the only choice.” James was pushing the dress off in a hurry, letting it pool to the floor before throwing it back onto the hanger and putting it into the special bag to protect it. He threw it back into the wardrobe before grabbing for the veil – which was on the floor – and throwing it in afterwards. I could only watch him, not really knowing what to do apart from look shocked and dismayed.  
  
“Let’s get out of here!” James took my hand and pulled me over to the door, opening it and looking around quickly to see if the coast was clear. Victoire jumped as she looked at us quickly, her mouth opening in question at the look on our faces, but James interrupted any question that might have been forming on her lips.  
  
“We need to get out of here, there’s been an incident with the dress, and we’ve ripped it. We need to run from the scene of the crime.”  
  
“Shit, I’ll go and warn Fred. We’ll meet you at the bar,” Victoire took off at a sprint, and James grabbed for my hand and pulled me down the corridor.  
  
“Do you think she’ll notice?” James asked as soon as we neared the bar and slowed down so that we could catch our breaths. I shook my head, although I was trying to convince myself more than James.  
  
“I don’t think so. There are so many frilly, lacy parts; she’ll think that it’s part of the dress.” My heart was beating so hard against my chest as we made our way over to the table that we had been previously sitting at, and thankful that the bar was empty.  
  
Part of me believed my own lies, and the other part was preparing an escape when the inevitable shit hit the fan. Rose was going to murder every single person in this hotel.


End file.
